The Dog Song
I Found A Shelter And Garden,
On The Corner Of Fountain And Vine.
It’s Made For Gamblers Who Lose,
A Place For Brave Men To Whine.
Every So Often There’s Trouble,
Somebody Could Lose A Life.
I Just Sit On The Back Porch,
And Eat Apples With My Knife.
Isabella Comes To Visit,
She Can Talk All Day And Night.
Cursing The Republican Government,
I Can’t Say If She’s Wrong Or Right.
I Said I Admired Her Hatred,
I’m Not One To Take Sides.
She Kissed Me And Tried To Persuade Me,
So I Had No Choice, I Had To Lie.
In The Morning She Left Me A Letter,
I Couldn’t Make Out A Single Word.
I’m Sure It Was Something Outrageous,
About Her Trying To Save The World.
It Was Then That I Got So Depressed,
In This World I Make No Difference.
I Just Hang Out With Thieves,
Spitting Apple Seeds At The Fence.
So I Picked Up The La Times,
And Read To Page 22.
It Was There That I Found My Purpose,
To Help Dogs From Being Abused.
I Began To Tell All My Friends,
About These Dogs In Need.
I Said, -Å—did You Know In Some Parts Of China,
All The Dogs Have Fleas? -
They Said I Was Crazy,
Laughed And Shook Their Heads.
Said Maybe I Would Have Found Jesus,
In Another Girl-‘s Bed.
But I Was Off To The White House,
With 6 Greyhounds And A Sign.
Practiced My Speech To The President,
I Memorized Every Line.
After A Few Days I Made Friends,
To Help Me With My Cause.
We Even Made The Local News,
Chanting, -Å—lets Save The Dogs! ‘
It Brought A Tear To My Eye,
They Understood What I Had To Say.
And Just Like Isabella,
I Was Talking All Night And Day.
I Was Talking At The Racetrack.
I Was Talking On The Radio.
I Was Talking At The Cathedral,
And At The Pound With My Megaphone
And Then One Sunny Morning,
Preaching At The Dog Parade.
I Had A Crowd Of 2,000,
Hanging On Every Word I-‘d Say.
I Swore I-‘d See Them Through.
We-‘d Fight Until The End.
When A Bulldog Barked Right At Me,
And Tore Up My Left Hand.
As The Blood Ran Down My Arm,
From My Elbow To The Floor,
I Knew I’d Lose My Temper.
I Couldn’t Take Anymore.
I Screamed, ‘That’s It, I Give Up! ‘
‘These Dogs Don’t Give A Damn! ‘
They All Called Me A Traitor,
Said, -Å—go Back To From Where You Came! ‘
So That’s Just What I Did,
And They Welcomed Me With Open Arms.
And The Freshest Basket Of Apples,
Straight From Cortez Farms.
I Told Isabella My Story.
I Thought She’d Understand.
But She Called Me A Failure,
And Knocked The Fruit From My Hands.
I Guess Maybe She Was Right.
I Was Just A Phony From The Start.
But These Apples Never Tasted Sweeter,
And I Know Who My Real Friends Are