It Would Be, I Knew, A Frosty Day,
The Milkman Grunted His Usual
And Always Hasty As A Buzzing Fly
Greeting To Me, Scruffy Fellow He Is,
Told Him Again That Glass Bottles,
In This Day And Age, Will Not Do,
Lose The Riboflavin In The Milk,
Even With The Pissy Little Sun We Have
Here In The Land Of Schopenhauer.
Nineteen Fifty They Found This,
Today You See Angular Cheilitis,
Seborrheic Dermatitis And Thrush
Everywhere, Don’t These So Called
Decisionmakers Care At All?
Diesel Is Up Again And Rolf Is Right,
It’s Time To Get A Furnace So They Will,
With No Questions Asked Sell Me Oil,
Half Price Will Surely Help With The Beer,
Weekends Must Be Properly Observed.
Streetcar My Foot, Easy For A Pollie
To Say One Thing And Practice Another,
I Will Be Independent I Told Them,
Though Pension Officers Don’t Have A Heart,
Or A Soul, Just Egg Stains On Their Ties
And Coffee Suds In Their Paper Cups,
Whatever Happened To The Good Old Days,
When The Snow Was White And The Bread,
Yes The Good German Bread Was Dark,
And Warm On The Shelves, At One Mark,
Maybe One Ten A Loaf Of 1.2 Kilo, With Crust
And Wrapped In Paper, Not Plastic Made From
Discarded Tires Or Rubber Boots, At A Cost,
Yes They Are Charging For The Goddam Bags Now,
Bring Your Own They Say Or Else, That’s Eerily
Very Eerily Close To Saying Take The Tram, Boy!
I’m Thinking Of Leaving This Land, It’s Too Cold,
Too Crowded And Too Hectic, Maybe Brazil,
Though They Said In National Geographic,
Yes I Know, But It Was At The Library, Anyway
Unstable Government And Then The Language,
They Might Just Laugh At Me, Linguist Is,
Most Likely, No Guarantee.Canada Is Old Hat,
Stetson They Call Them I Believe, Cold As Well.
America, So Says The Butcher, Is Going Down,
Won’t Be A Major Power After The Chinese,
The Yellow Peril The Yanks Call Them, But You
Or I Can’t Say This Nowadays, No I Wouldn’t,
Can You Imagine Trying To Write That Lingo?
More Like Crayon Drawings, Also They May Not,
Probably Will Not Keep The Peace With The Rest,
The Other Countries, Comes Down To Envy,
And To Ambition. These Asians, You Gotta,
No Doubt, Gotta Give Them That, They Got Drive!
Colleague Says Bertelsmann Has A New Book Out,
Explains It All, Preview Clearly Favours The Tropics,
Which Means, Are You Ready, Australia, Well,
I Did See Crocodile Dundee, Or Dundy,
Good Show Though Part Two Wasn’t Up To Snuff.
They Got Razorbacks There, In The Outback,
Big As Hippos, Will Tear Down Your House,
Slice You First From Crotch To Chin And Then
Eat You, Boots And All, Gotta See That, Best,
So Says Frank, To Take A Guide At First, Pay
Is In Beer, They Drink It Ice Cold As Well,
Got Refrigeration Everywhere, In The Outback,
No Water But Plenty Of Beer, Ladies Called Sheilas.
And The Black Fellows Are Now Tolerated,
They Throw A Mean Boomerang If You Don’t,
Kangaroos And Koalas, Then They Got Wombats
And On The Coast You’d Be Wary Of The Crocs,
Saw That Steve Irwin Show, Poor Fellow, Died
In Such A Crazy Way
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