What a weird thing smoking is and I can’t stop it.  I feel cosy, have a sense of well-being when I’m smoking, poisoning myself, killing myself slowly.  Not so slowly maybe.  I have all kinds of pains I don’t want to know about and I know that’s what they’re from.  But when I don’t smoke I scarcely feel as if I’m living.  I don’t feel as if I’m living unless I’m killing myself.  ~Russell Hoban, Turtle Diary, 1975ch 7, CTO