Category: Santa Banta Jokes

Santa: Tere result da ki banya? Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga? Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.

Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai. Banta: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai. Santa: Kya naam hai. Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Accountant

Inspector to Banta: Phaansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai? Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do.

Santa:Aj party kis khusi mein. Banta:aaj mera scooter kho gya. Santa:to kia hua. Banta:Shukr h mein uspr nhi tha nhito mein b kho jata!!! ?;)?  ?

Bantas advise:- Dont carry umbrella during rain Keep WHISPER on ur head ye ghanto tak geelepan ka ahsas nahi hone deta:D

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.? Santa: Very long…!

Pappu was writing his father’s name on a 1000 Watt bulb. Santa asked him: What are you doing? Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Santa:Meri Biwi Itna Mazak karti hai ke kya batau? Banta:Kaise? Santa:Kal maine Uski Ankhon par hath Rakh Ke bola:Mai Kon? To boli:DUDH WALA.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t came back yet! Santa: Why don’t u cook something else?

Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot? Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Santa: Major Rohail told me T.V cabel is not good for kids, they don’t study,so i got rid of it Banta: Good? Santa: Now we have a Dish Installed

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa.. Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..! Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao

Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai. Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.

Santa: Yar muje Major Rohail ne social work krne Pr bohat mara. Batna: Social Work? Santa: Han, me ne qabristan k gate pr Welcome ka board lagaya tha

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain. Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya? Banta: Apple khane. Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai. Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.

Dosto ki mehfil se bahut jaldi uth jaane par santa ko unke dosto ne taana diya- ‘Patni ka aisa bhi kya dar, tum aadmi ho ya choohe?’ Santa- ‘Aadmi, choohe se to meri patni darti hai|’

Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal

Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai. Jeeto: Thank u G Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa. Jeeto: Thank u G. Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa. Jeeto: Thank u G Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi…

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why? Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…

Santa: Dr saheb apne Nurse bahut achi rakhi hai Uska Hath lagte hi maine teek ho gaya Dr: janta hu thappad Ki awaz Mujhe b Suni di thi

**BEST OF SANTA-BANTA** Banta:agar wo meri nhi hui to me use kisi or ki v nhi hone dunga. . santa:Aur agar teri ho gyi to sabki hone dega??

Wife: aap Bahut Mote Ho gaye ho santa: Tum b To kitni Moti Ho gai Ho wife:mai to maa Banne wali hu Santa: Mai b to Baap banne wala hu

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho? Santa: Suicide karne ke liye Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai? Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call. Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here. Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

SANTA: kal raat 3 ghante English Picture ki CD dekhi, na kuch dikhaai diya na awaz ayi FRIEND:Movie ka nam kya tha? SANTA:’PLEASE INSERT THE DISC’

Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho? Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai ‘aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12’.

Santa: Do you know English? Banta: Yes Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI? Banta: So simple Yaar… NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

Santa to Pappu: Where’s Sukhna Lake? Pappu: Pata nahi. Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo. Pappu: Who’s Banta? Santa: Pata nai. Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to…?

Santa: I have swallowed a kay. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Titanic was sinking. An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”? Santa: 2 KMs. Englishman jumped into sea. Englishman: Now, which direction (left or right)? Santa: Downwards!

Titanic was sinking. An englishman asked Santa, ‘How far is land’? Santa: 2 KMs. Englishman jumped into sea. Englishman: Now, which direction? Santa: Downwards!

Three friends after exam. Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon. Banta: Main bhi! Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.

santaji: agr aapko thand lagti hai to aap kya karte hai: santaji: main heater le aato hoon lekin agar aapko phir bhi thand lagti hai to kya karte hai santaji: to main heater on kar leta hoon…..

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: ‘behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?’ Girl: ‘Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.’

Limit Of Stupidness… Teacher- Who Is Chandragupt Morya? Santa- mam, i Think He Is The Brother Of Ganpati Bappa Morya.

Santa cuts sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess why? . . . . . . . To avoid the side effects!

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya. Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi. Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi? Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi

Jeeto yelled at santa: U’re gonna b really sorry! I’m going to LEAVE you! Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why? Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…

Once Santa Farted In English Class : . . . Teacher: ‘What is This’? …. Santa: ‘This is My Back Ground Music.. =P =D

Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College? The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS

Ek din Santa Raat me Late Ghar gaya. Agle din Banta ne puchha : Aur Bhai, Kal Raat bhabi ji ne Ghar pe Locha to nahi kiya? . SANTA : Kuch Khas nahi, aage ke do daant to waise bhi Mai nikalwane wala tha… 😛 😀 😀 😀 😀

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Girl: Will u marry me? Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Translation from hindi to english, ‘Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi’. Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.

Santa was smoking in front of his father. . . Mother-oye papa k samne smoking kr raha h. . . . Santa: baap hi to h, sala Koi petrol pump thodi hai jo udjayega..

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple? Santa Singh: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho? Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan? Banta: Gold ring de de. Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar. Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal. Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai. Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

Santa was shopping in store. Salesman: Sir, would u like to use a pocket calculator? Santa: No thanx. I know how many pockets I have!!

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

Santa ki behen ko daaku utha le gaye. Logo ne kaha ki daaku khatarnak hai khali hath mat jana behen ko bachane! Fir .? kya .? Santa 3 kilo aam le gaya..

Santa ne bus me Ek Ladki ko ched Diya. Ladki-Tumhre Ghar me Maa Behen Nahi Hai kya? Santa-kya pata me to subah se Ghar ke Bahar Hu!

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta. Santa: Phir tune kya kiya? Banta: Maine kaha salon Ek-Ek karke aao. Santa: Phir? Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta

Nurse: Aapko judwa bacche hue. . . Santa: hona hi tha. Picture hi aise dekhi thi. Dhoom 2 Golmaal 2 Raaz 2 . . . . . Nurse: Acha hua Delhi-6 nhi dekhi…..(cool)

Ultimate answer while changing the job. Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job? Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where..

‘Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai. Gangubai: Kaun ? Santa: Main ! Gangubai: Main kaun? Santa: Tu Gangubai

Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta. Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!

‘Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa.. Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..! Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao’

A sweet girl goes to Banta’s shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata. Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa : I am falling in love.

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa: Dr.Sahab 2 Saal Pehle Mujhe Bukhar Aya Tha… Dr: To Ab Kya Hua. Santa: Aap ne Nahane ko Mana Kiya Tha! Ab Naha Lun?

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon. Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi. Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai? Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga. Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai. Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai

American: In our country , marriage even takes place with email. Santa: In India, it is only with a female

santa- mere papa itne lambe the ki khade-khade chalta fan rok dete the… banta- yar… papa ta mere bi lumbe the. per unko ulte-pulte pange lene ki aadat nahi thi…

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai! Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai. Santa: Kya naam hai uska? Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha ‘CHAALU KHAATA’

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators

Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren’t allowed to be together in heaven! Santa: Yes, I do.That’s why it’s called heaven!

An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope. Santa Singh was observing him, suddenly a star falls. Seeing that Santa Singh shouted, “what a shot you made!”

Santa’s urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report. Dr. told santa, ‘you are pregnant’. Angry santa shouts at wife, ‘Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de’.

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women. When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger? Preeto: I clean the toilet. Banta: How does that help? Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here, he Picks his Mobile Phone, Calls everyone from his phone & says DON”T CALL ME NOW

Santa found a cigarette in his daughter’s room: ‘Ohh God! She smokes!!!’ Then he found wine … ‘Ohh God! She drinks!!!’ Then he saw the boy. . ‘Ohh Thank God!! Ahhh! To ye sab iss munde da hai!!’ 😀