Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is liver & wife is kidney.

If liver fails, kidney fails.

If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney

Wife_Mai ne gadhay p research ki hai.

Wo apni gadhi k siwa kisi aur gadhi kO dekhta tak nahi..

Husband_Isi liye tO us ko gadha Kehte hain…

Husband:Hypnotise karna kya hota hy?

Wife:Kisi ko apnay control me kar k apni marzi k kaam karwaana

Husband:Chal jhoTi,usay to Shadi kehte haiN….

Shohar: ye tum mujh ko bhary bazar main “A.G” kyoun kehti ho?

Biwi: ab bhary bazar main “Abhy Ghady” kahoun gi to kya acha lagay ga!…

AIK BANDA AIK BABA JE K PASS GIA AUR KAHA;BABA JE ‘BEVI’ KA KOI ELAJ BATAIN,BABA JE=BATA BEVI KA KOI ELAJ HOTA TU MAIN BABA NA HOTA

Girl:

Kya Tumhara Shohar sotey waqt kharaatey Leta hai?

Saheli

Sharmaatey hue:

Pata nahin!

Abhi to Hamaari Shaadi ko

3 din hue hain,

Soengey to Pata chalega

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo
lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(

Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:-
to behan kuch or paka lo:-)

Psychology of life:

At the beginning of any relationship every girl treats her boyfriend as GOD

But later on somehow the alphabets get reversed:-)

A old man calling his wife ! Rada, sunita, Daling, jan, sweeti,

Aak ladka bola uncle aap ab be apne biwi se utna pyaar kartay hai jo unhay atne pyaaray naam se bola rahay ho.

Old man! Nahi darasal kambakat ka naam yaad nahi s leye atne naam try kar raha hon….

Men want 3qualities in wifes:

1)Economist in kitchen

2)Artist in home &

3)Devil in love..

But they get:

1)Artist in kitchen

2)Devil in home

3)Economist in Love…

2 difficult things to achieve:

1. To plant your ideas in someone else’s head.

2. To put someone else’s money in your own pocket.

He who succeeds in the 1st is called teacher

&

The one who succeeds in the 2nd is called Businessman.

The one who succeeds in both is called

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WIFE…:-D

A ?ouple Drove For ?everal Miles, Not ?aying A Word

As They Passed A ?arnyard Θf Mules & Donkeys,

Wife; Relatives Θf Ψours .!

Husband: Yep, My In-Laws?!

…

Husband: khana tyar hy?

Bv: thori dair hy.

H: Ok Men bahr sy kha leta hon

Bv: 5 mint ruk jain

H: 5 mint may khna tyar hojaiga?

Bv: Nhi,men tyar hojaongi :

TM AOO HM B EID KARIEN

Hasrat hy tmhri deed karien

TM AOO HM B EID KARIEN

Kch dair to Dil ko chain milay

kch rooz to MANN ka phool khilay

kehte hy EID ki Aamad hy

HM log b kch taeed krien

TM AOO HM B EID KARIEN

TM se ye aik Guzarish hy

Ye apne Dil ki khuwaish hy

1 bar milo, 1 bar milo

Hr bar yehi takeed krien

TM AOO HM B EID KARIEN

Jb ghum k badal chhaye thay

Is baar B TM na aye ho

Sb dushman ye tanqeed krien

TM AOO HM B EID KARIEN

Onelinerz:

+ When I Met My Wife

I Knew She Was ‘Miss Right.!’

I Didnt Know That Her

First Name Was

‘Always’ :)…

Bemar Husband:

Mujhe Janwaro K Doctor K Pas Le Jao

BV:

Kyun?

Kyun?

Husband:

Roz Subah Murghy Ki Tarah Uth Jata Ho,

Phir Ghoray Ki Tarah Bhag Bhag K Office Jata Ho,

Wahan Sara Din Gadhay Ki Tarah Kam Krta Ho,

Ghr Aa K Sb Pr Kutte Ki Trah Bhonkta Ho,

Bakray ki tarha khanay me sabzi milti hy,

Bili ki tarh

bachey sanbalta hon,

.

.

.

Or Phr Rat Ko Bhens K Saath So Jata Ho..!!!!!

Jab se begum ne mujhe murgha bana rakha hai,

Main ne nazron ki tarhan sir bhi jhuka rakha hai,

Bartano aaj mere sir pe baraste q ho,

Main ne dho dha k tumhain kitna saja rakha hai,

Roz leti he talashi wo police ki manind,

Pochti he kahan paison ko chupa rakha hai,

Wohi dunya main muqaddar ka sikandar tehra,

Jis ne khud ko yahan shadi se bacha rakha hai,

Pi ja is maar ki talkhi ko bhi hans k shohar,

Maar khane main bhi Qudrat ne maza rakha hai..!

…

Bhengi wife:sun? ji meri aankhein kaj?l se milti hein na.

Husband: tap k ! Kambakhat teri ap?s mein nahi milti k?j?l se ki? milen gi….

Dear Boys

If U think ur dad, mom, teacher, boss are strict and harsh with u.

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Wait for a wife.

U would love them All… 😛 :D…

Biwi ne apne husband ko letter likha

pr full-stop nhi lagaye!

Jab yaad aya to jaldi jaldi andaze se full-stop laga diye,

Phir letter kuch yun ban gaya

‘Aap ne kai din se pyar bhara khat nhi likha meri saheli ko.

Nokri se nikal diya hy hmari cow ne.

Bacha diya hy Uncle ne.

Cigarette peeni chorh di hy mene.

Bohat khat likhe pr tum nhi aye kabutar k bache.

Billi kha gai hy ek khubsurat larki.

Meri saheli ban gai hy Reema.

Is waqt t.v pr dance kr rhi hy hmari murghi.

Aaj kal Anda nhi de rhi tumhari maa.

Tumhen bohat yaad krti hy jama darni.

naali saaf nhi krti aaj kal Aap ki Biwi.

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

jin: kya hukm he mre aqa

admi: khi to usa road bana

jin: imossible

admi: mri wife ko mre under karo

jin: road single ho ya double

Acc0rdng 2 BS-CS studnt…

There are basically “7 TYPES” OF GIRLS:

1. HARD DISK Girls:

Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls:

Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREENSAVER Girls:

Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls:

Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls:

Always busy when needed.

6.MULTIMEDIA Girls:

Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS:

These type of girls are normally called ‘WIFE’ once enters in your system don’t leave even after format.

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_/”_K죣

Husband To Wife:

‘Ye Bachay Itne Shararti Kyun Hote He…?’

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Wife:

‘Jo Cheez Banti Shararat Se Hy Wo Sharif Kese Ho Sakty Hy…:

Wife: What is so interesting in me?

Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

Wife: ap muj se kitna pyar krte hai?

Husbad: Mai tm se itna piyar karta hun k tumhara jhota Zehr b pe skta hun,

yaqeen na ho to azma lo…..

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!

Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo

lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(

Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:-

to behan kuch or paka lo:-)

Shohar apni BV ko dafna k ghar aya hi tha k achank zor se bijli chamki or toofani barish shuru ho gai.

Shohar ne asman ko dekha or bola

Lagta hai pohnch gai

Husband apni wife ka janaza le kr ja raha tha,

Janazey k aage 1 kutta or peeche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi,

1 aadmi aa kr pochta hai

“bhai ye sb kese huwa?

Husband : Is kutte ne kaat liya tha or meri wife mr gayi,

Aadmi : Ye kutta 1 din k liye mujhe de do,

Husband : peeche line mai lag jao.

Husband wife mein larai hoi,

Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,”Khanay mein kia hai”

Wife:Zeher.

Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:D

Husband Wife Se :

Ye Kya Begam Tum Ek Ur Suit Le Ayee? =O

Abhi Parso Hi Tu…

B.V Chil’la K

Kia Kaha?

Kia Parso?

Bolo?

Kia Kaha Tm Ny?

Kia Parso?

Bolo?

Jaldi Bolo? =X

Husband (Aajizi Se)

Kuch Nahi Begam Main Tu Ye Keh Raha Tha

K Parso B Ek Hi Suit Laye Thi

Aaj 2 Le Laiti Na …=$ =D

Wife:
Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay,
Main aap ko save karti,

Husband:
Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti,
Main her haftay tumhe change karta

Tofani barish mein rat ko,
shop per 1 admi pizza lenay aaya
SHOPKEEPER: Aap married hein?
Admin:Is tofani barish mein kia
meri maa mujhey pizza lenay bhejay gi

Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi? do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!…

Larki ki diary ka 1 page:

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Ishq aik phool hai jis ka beej dard aur iski zameen almiyaa hai.. Jab tak is sar-zameen par na-kaami ki barish na ho, na beej phoot’ta hai, na zameen baar-aawar ho kar fassal deti hai.. Ishq ki mairaaj khud-faramoshi hi se haasil ho sakti hai…

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10 SAAL BAAD:

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Diary ka 1 aur page:

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Gobhi 1 kilo,

Tematar adha kilo,

Dhobi ka bill,

Bachchon ki fees,

Sink ki jaali,

Mortein (cockroach wala),

Aalia k pamper,

Qarshi IspaghoL,

Panadol (2 packet),

Saas ko call,

Nasreen khala ko birthday wish,

2 burger (anday wale),

Blue band,

20 rupe ka easy load.

(Haaye re shadi) ;->…

toufani barish me rat ko shop pr 1 admi pizza lene aya .

SHOPKEEPER : Aap shadi shuda hen ?

ADMI : Iss tufani barish me kya meri maa mujhe pizza lene bhjegi .

Shohr bV sE:

“HaTa lO ApNe ChEhRe Se Ye ZuLfeE JaAn e TaMaNnA!

.

.

.

Ab AgAr KhAaNaY Me BaAl AyA To GaNjA Kr

DuNgA!!!”:-

…

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

…

Wife:agr me pak ki sab se bari choti k2 per charnay me kamyab ho jaon

to ap mujhy kia den gay

husband:halka sa bhaka

Toofani barish me rat ko shop per ek shaks pizza lene aaya

Shopkpr: Ap shadishuda hain

Shaks: Or kya as toofani barish me meri maa muje pizza lene bhejegi?

…

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?

Kion ke shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hissey me aatey hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai… :-)…

Husband: jab men mar jaon to

hamary samny walon ko zaror bulana…

Wife: wo Q?

Husband: Q k unki auraten murdy

say lipat lipat kr roti hen…

If you have 1 wife,

She fights with you !

If you have 2 wives,

They fight for u!

Feel the diffrence & decide.

(Sender not responsible for any side effects)

Kehte hain k 1 insan ki zindagi main 3 dolss ati hain

1 uski beti jo hoti hai ‘beby doll’

2 uski girlfriend jo hoti hai ‘barby doll’

3 uski B.V jo hati hai ‘penadoll’ wo bhi extra..

Wife Kal apne phir apni Secretary k sath movie dekhi?

Husband kya karein,darling

Aj kal ki movies family k sath dekhny k qaabil kahan hain

Husband gusse may:aaj tmne ye kesa khana bnaya hy?
Bilkul Gobar jesa!!

Wife: Mairey khuda!! Iss Admi ne kia kia chkkha hua hy?

F0r Men OnlY,

v0 KYa Cheez hai J0 ‘Bv’ Apne Sh0hr K0 Saari Zndgi Nhi Laine Daiti,

*

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Grls, Plz D0nt See the Answr:

*

*

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*

*

*

*

‘SuKh kA SaAnS’ 🙂

AAJ KAL TUM MUSHKURATI BAHUT HO,

MERE DIL KO BHAATI BAHUT HO,

DIL KEHTA HAI LE JAAUN TUMHEN DINNER PE,

PAR SUNA HAI TUM KHAATI BAHUT HO!

I met a man who had been married for 66 years.

“Amazing..66 years!” I said.

“What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”

“Well, It’s like this…The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”

I responded, “Does that really work?”

“Oh, yes” he said proudly…”66 years, and so far, not one big decision!”…

Female’s’ Criteria for Life Partner

They expect their men to look like .. Mr Universe..

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And

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Work Like ..Ramu Kaka..

Wife hints to husband for a new car

saying,

“Dear, buy me something that goes 0 to 80 in 3 seconds when I’m on it”

Husband giftd her

A Weighin Machine! ;)…

Patni (Pati se): Tum to Kehte Thy

K Shaadi K Baad Bhi Mujhe Khoob Pyaar Karoge.

Pati: Sorry Yaar! Mujhe Maalum Nahi Tha

K Tumhari Shaadi Mujhse Hogi…;-)…

Biwi:

Aap apne Best Friend ki BV k janaze pe nahi gaye?

Husband:

kis moo se jao? wo teesri dafa BV k janaze pe bula chuka ha or mene….

1 dafa b nahi bulaya…….

Lets celebrate men’s day

~BECHARA~MARD~

Agr Orat pr hath uthaye to zalim or pit jaye to buzdil,

Orat k agy chaly to Firon peche chale to Zan Mureed,

Orat ko kisi k sath dekh k laray to jealous or chup rahe to beghairat,

Ghar se bahar rahe to Awara or ghar me rahe to nakara,

Bachon ko dante to jaabir na dante to la parwah,

Orat ko service se rokay to Shaki mizaj na rokay to Orat ki kamai khane wala.

Akhir

Ye

Wife_Main Marne ja rahi hu.

Husband_Ye lo Dairy Milk.

Wife_Q?

Husband_Khushi k moqay pe kuch meetha hojaye.. 😛

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs 4 her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!

Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once.

TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD!

WHERE r we going 2 get MORE BUTTER?

They’re going 2 STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!

I said be CAREFUL!

U NEVER listen 2 me when u’re cooking! Never!

Turn them! Hurry up! r u CRAZY?

Have u LOST ur mind?

Don’t forget 2 salt them. You know u always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!

The wife stared at him. “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how 2 fry a couple of eggs?”

The hsband calmly replied, “I just wanted 2 show you what it feels like when I’m driving.” ;->…

Hsbnd Apni Wife Se: Kia Tum Kahin Ja Rahi Ho ?

Wife_Haan Khudkushi Karne Ja Rahi Hon..:@

Husband_To Itna Make up Q Kar Rahi Ho..?

Wife_Q k

Kal K Akhbaar Mein Meri Photo Aaye Gi Na.

‘What Is Biwi??

Ans_Jo Tok Tok Kar Aap Ki Saari Aadaat Badal De Aur Phir 2 Saal Baad Kahay:

Ab Aap Pehle Jaise Nahi Rahay…??;-)

THAT IS ‘BIWI’

Research se sabit hua hai k.

‘Wife se Pyar bhari batain karne se Tention door ho jati hai.

Heart Attack ka khatra 80% kam ho jata hai.

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Insan ki Zindagi Pur-Lutf ho jati hai.

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Banda her waqt Tar-o-Taza or Khush Gawar mood main rehta hai.

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Lekin aik baat ka khayal rahe k.

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Wife

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Apni Na Ho.

From her death bed the wife called her husband..

WIFE: One month after I die, I want you to marry Sally..

HUSBAND: Sally? But she is your enemy!

WIFE: Yes, I know.. I’ve suffered all these years with you, so let her suffer too!

1 Pathan:

Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He

2 Pathan:

Pr Tumhare Pas To Koi Car Nhi He!

1st Pathan:

Abay Gadhe

BMW Ka Matlab He

Bohot Moti Wife;-)

A Police asked a Thief: ‘Why u went to Steal 3 times in the Same Store?’

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The Thief Replied:’Sir, I stole 1 Dress 4 my Wife &

I went to Change It Twice

Every Wife is a ‘Mistress’ of her husband . . .

.

‘MISS’ for one hour and ‘STRESS’ for 23 hours everyday . . . !:-D…

1 Admi Hu Aadmi ki Nafsiyat Samajh sakta

Ghor Farmaiye

Customer:

Mujhay 1 Ladies suit chahiye

Dukandar:

Begum k liye chahiye ya koi acha sa dikhaon*?

Meri begum ne bhr di hain meray salan me wo mirchain

Nivala moonh me rakhta hon to aankhen bheeg jati hain

Shadi ki ye tasveerain bari mushkil se dhondi hain

Mein ab in ko palat-ta hon to aankhen bheeg jaati hain

Jama ponji me bister k serhanay rakh k sota tha

Wahan ab hath rakhta hon to aankhen bheeg jati hain:-)…

jin : kya hukum hai mere aaqa ?

Aaqa : yar mera eik kaam kar mere ghar se america tak eik road bana de!

jin : aaqa boht mushkil kam hai koi aur kam batao!

Aaqa : meri biwi ko mera furmabardar bana de..!

Jin : aaqa road single banani hai ya double ? …

Husband:

aGAr mRe HaTh MeiN hUk0mAt h0 t0 MeIn MulK kI TAqdEEr bAdAL dUn gAa..!!;->

Wife:

Tm pHleY ApNi ShAlwAr BadaL L0 SuBhA se Ulti peHni huEy hEy:-P…..=p…

If u think ur

Dad,

Mom,

Teacher,

Boss,

Are strict nd

Harsh wid U..

Wait for a wife..

U would love them all… 😀

Puraani Kahawat He k Sote Waqt Koi Tention Le kar Nahi Sona Chahiye…

Hairat he…

Phir Bhi Log…

BV Ke Saath hi Sote Hain.. 😉

First Guy (proudly):

‘My wife’s an angel!’

Second Guy:

‘You’re lucky,

mine’s still alive.’

Biwi wo hoti hai

jo Shaadi k baad apne Shohar ki sari aadaton ko badal deti hai

aur baad me kehti hai k.

‘Aap pehle jaise naheen rahe.w

Bv: Dear Tum Mujhe Ktna Pyar Krte Ho?

Shohar: Mai TmSe Itna Pyar Krta Hoon

K Tumhara Jootha Zeher Bhi Pee Sakta Hoon

Agar Yaqeen Nhi To Azmaa K Dekh Lo~~

A man keep his wife’s photo in pocket ?

Because

when ever he is in trouble ,

he looks at the photo and think….

If i can face this

i can face anything…

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The Mafia wants either ur money or life… The wives want both!

Doctor:

Ap k shohr theek ho sakte hai Agar ap

inka khayal rakhen,

Tension na den,

Larai na karen

AUR

in ke Khidmat karen !

Husbnd:

Doctor ne kia kaha?

Begum:

la-ilaj ho tum..:-D Agar ap

inka khayal rakhen,

Tension na den,

Larai na karen

AUR

in ke Khidmat karen !

Husbnd:

Doctor ne kia kaha?

Begum:

la-ilaj ho tum..:-D

Shohr: maalum hota he k daraaz me koi khane ki chiz he.?

Bivi: Aap ne bilkul sahi andaza lagaya is me mere sendel hen. . . ;->…

Wife:

Shukar hai aap sahi salamat ghar wapis aa gaye.

Husband:

Kyun Kiya hua?

Wife:

Bahir gali men log keh rahe the koi chootiya gatar men gir gaya hai.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife….

1 aadmi ne 100 times blood donate ker k record banaya..

Blood bank walo ne uski wife ko bhi prize diya ye kehte hoye k:

‘App ne nahi piya

tabhi to Humne liya’

Diffrnt Girls fighting with their husbnds:

Pilot’s wife-

ziyada uro mat samjhay:

Teachr’s wife.

Mujhey mat sikhao.

Ye aap ka School nahi hai Ghar hai.

Sumjhay :

Dentist’s wife.

Daant tor k hath me de dungi:

Docter’s wife

tabiyat darust kar dungi:

MBA’s wife-

mind ur own business,

samjhay:

CA/ACCA/ICMA Student’s wife

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Pehlay Pas toh ho phir baat karna Budhaaaayyyy 🙂

Wife: Khirki K Parde Lagwa Do,Naya Parosi Mujhe Dekhne Ki Koshish Karta Hy..

Husband: Aik Bar Dekh Lene Do,Phir Wo Khud Parde Lagwa Lega..

Husband:

You know,

wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did ,

I still got mine with me!

…

Mom to Childrens::

Jo meri hr bat mane ga aur mere

Aage bilkul nhi bolega main use gift

dngi

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Chota Bacha.: Loji is trah to sare gifts dad hi

le jaen ge.

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Wife: Tum Mujhe Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?

Husband: Shahjahan Jitna.

Wife: Mere Marne k Baad TAJ MEHAL Banaoge?

Husband: Maine to Loan Bhi Le Liya Hai,

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.

.

Dair to Tum Kar Rahi Ho. 🙂

Husband k Mrny k Next day,

Wife Ne akhbar Me Ad diya:

Janazy Me Shamil Honay wale

Logon Ka shukria

FROM:

Saira

age 30

Height:5’4

Gora Rung

Bchay Nahi Hain

Bv:Ap ko Mra Bnaya Hua Halwa Pasnd Nhi Aya Bachy To 3 plates kha chuke Hy,

Andr Se Awaz Ai!

Mama 1 or Plate Dena 1 kitab ki jild reh Gi Hy