Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long…!…

Santa asked Banta the full form of MATHS

Banta said Mentally affected teachers harassing students….

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.

Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.

Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal….

Why can’t Banta dial 911?

He cannot find eleven on the phone…..

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.

Banta: Santa u"ll die.

Santa: U"ll die bcoz haven

Santa"s wife dies. He is calm, but his wife"s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, santa consoles him: Don"t worry buddy, I will marry again….

An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!…

Lecturer: Explain Digestive System In One Sentence….!!

Santa: It’s A Process That Starts Wid Right Hand & Ends Wid Left Hand…… ;->

…

Girl: Will u marry me?

Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se…

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya….

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai….

Santa : Among My 4 Sons 3 R Engineers

Frnd:4th?

Santa : Useles,Dnt Study, Becam A Barber

Frnd:Y ,Dnt U Throw Him Out

Santa : Coz He’s D Only 1 Who Earns..!…

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.

Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.

Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?

Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi…..

S@nt@:d0 u kNw “HoLI”SheR k0 keHtE He?

B@nt@:stoP JOkiNg yAR.

S@nt@:dkh tHAkuR Ne kaha thA K H0Li “cuB”He. . .=P;->

…

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar??

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

Driver: Which part? Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

…

Santa: Aaj Mera Beta First Class Me Aaya..

Master: Very Gud.. Kisme Aaya??

Santa: ?RAJDHANI EXPRESS TRAIN? Me Aaya..

…

Santa: Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He.

Banta: Pr Tumhare Pass To Koi Car Nahi He!

Santa: Abye Ghadhe,

BMW Ka Matlab

Bahut Motti Wife…..

Santa- Yaar!

A Auratein Sharab

Se Nafrat Q Karati Hai?

Banta- Islye Ki,

Sharab Pine Ke

Baad Chuhe Jaisa

Pati Bhi Sher

Ho Jata Hai.

…

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.

Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?…

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole….

Maths teacher 2 Santa,if u had 1000Rs in one pocket and 1000 Rs in other pocket, wat would u think?

Santa : yar mai kithay abbay di pant tay nai paa litti??…

Santa:Doctor,This Medicine

Is Not Available At Any Medical Store.”

Doctor:Oh Sorry,

I Forgot To Write The Medicine.

That Was My Signature.

…

Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?

Banta: Gold ring de de.

Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.

Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de….

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.

Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?

Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey….

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped

him, what virtue would I be showing? santa: Brotherly love….

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever-What comes first – the chicken or the egg?

O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!…

Wats D Diff. B/W Bus & Cycle?

Santa:Bus Ka Stand Bus Ke Sath Kabhi Nahi Jata

Par Cycle Ka Stand Cycle Ke Sath Jata Hai….

History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas"s brother who was a shoemaker.

Santa: Adidas …

S@nT@ B@Nt@ TAlKNg:

S@Nt@: oY to kaM Ni kaRta tUje pOLice pakEr kR Le jAe gI?

B@NT@ :vo kU?

S@nt@:aik adMi kam nI Krta tHA Ose p0LIcE pakr k Le gYi.

B@nT@: KiS JUrM Me?

S@Nt@:KyUnkE Vo kaM ChoR Tha. . . . .=P;->…

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I"ve seen ur password. It

1 banda bhagta howa aata hay

aur Santa se kehta hai

bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main

salaab ka pani ghus gaya hay.

Santa: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay,

ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay:D:D

…

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion"s cage.

Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.

Santa: I didn"t say he got out…

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.

A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"

Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."…

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.

Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?…

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA…

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye…

Santa’s Army Test

Pappu- 3+5?

Santa- 8

Pappu- 7+3?

Santa- 10

Pappu- 8+8?

Santa- Pata nahi sir

Mere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai.

(=awaD o_0

W!LD T3XT3R…

Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping. Santa: Wanna try it?

Banta : No way. I was born because of broken rubber & i don’t wanna die because of it….

Santa: Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai, Saara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.

Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega To Makaan Maalik Ka, Hum To Kirayedar Hain…..

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to…?…

Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?

Santa: It beats, beats, beats….

I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I"d stand & wait in the world"s longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u….

A lady calls santa for repairing dorr bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,santa replies.i’m coming daily since 4 days,i press the bell but no one comes out…

Santa:Aaj kisine mere BAAP ko gaali di.

Patni:Fir?

Santa:Maine bhi uske baap ko gaali di.

Patni:Lekin wo kaun tha?

Santa:Mera BETA…..

Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu

keha si, Likh ke kyu nahi liyanda ?

Santa: Ki karda master g,

jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya!!!…

Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.

Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi….

SANTA goes for a interview for the post of a DETECTIVE.

Interviewer Asked- WHO KILLED GANDHI..?

SANTA- Thanx for giving me the JOB.

I will Investigate… ;->…

Judge: Y U’ve stolen money 4m dis man?

Sardar: My lord I’ve nt stolen money. He jst gave it 2 me

Judge: Whn He gave U money ?

Sardar: Whn I showd him gun ;->…

Santa: Mene Kal SANIA MIRZA Se Phone Pe Baat Ki.

Banta: That’s Great Yaar..

Usne Kya Kahaa..??

Santa: Usne Kaha

Wrong Number…

Santa: Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalat Kyun Kehte Hai?

Banta: Kyunki Jail Mein Khaane

Ko Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai

…

Santa was driving car zigzag and rashley..!

Traffic cop caught him..

Santa- Sir im Learning how 2 drive..!

Cop said- without instructor..?

Santa said- yeh correspondence course hai… ;->…

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.

Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin….

Banta selling Parashut:Plane se kudo Button Dabao Aur aap zamin pe
safely land!
Custmer: Agar Parashut na khula to?
Banta: O G paise wapas

Santa Was Walking Thru D Forest

He Saw Snake Hanging On D Tree.

Santa: Sirf Latak Ne Se Height Nahi Badegi,

Mummy Ko Bolo Complann Pilaye…..

Santa: Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalat Kyun Kehte Hai?

Banta: Kyunki Jail Mein Khaane

Ko Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai

…

Santa ne bhagte huye bus pakdi aur driver se kaha “ye bus teri maa lagti hai?
Driver: NO
santa: to kya behan lagti hai?
Driver: NO,Kuch nahi lagti.
Santa: to Bhenchod Chadne kyu nahi deta…!!

SanTA 2 BaNta

YaR Ye t0u MoRnInG MorNiNg bukS OThA K KaHA Ja rAhA Hai?

SaNta : yAr mAI EngLIsH sEKHnE JA rAha HN.

BANta:v0 ku?

SanTa:v0 muJhE KAVe(cRoW)Se coMpLx HOGya HAi.

BaNta: CRow Se ku yAR?

SanTa:B’Cz cRoW B eNgLISh bLta HAi.

BnTa:it’s iMpOSBlE.

SanTa:YAR DKh siPmlE CRow blTA HeNA

COW coW C0W…

Teacher to santa: where were you born?

Santa: Thiruvananthapuram

Teacher: can u spell it?

Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA….

A sweet girl goes to Banta"s shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.

Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya….

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.

Pappu: Life imprisonment! …

Aftr returning frm a foreign trip

Santa asks his wife "Do I luk like a foreigner?"

Wife-"No,y r u asking?"

Santa-"In London a lady asked me,r u a FoReiGneR? ;->…

Sardar To Another Sardar: U Knw My Grand Mother Started Walking 5 Miles A Day When She Was Sixty.

She Is Eighty Now &

We Don’t Know Where D Hell She Is ;->…

Banta : Why Is The Police Nicknamed

"The Heart Of The Country"?

Santa : It

Beats,

Beats,

Beats….

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn"t tell me where…..

Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.

Kanta: I don"t believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous….

Santa Shouting 2 His GF

" U Said V Will Do Register

Marriage And U Cheated Me,

I Was Waiting 4 U

Yesterday Whole Day

In The Post Office…

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.

Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?

Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi….

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn"t came back yet!

Santa: Why don"t u cook something else?…

Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.

Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator! …

Prof: Chemical Symbol of Barium?

Sardar: BA

Prof: and Sodium?

Sardar: NA

Prof: What will we gt if 1 Atom of BA & 2 Atoms of NA combine?

Sardar: BANANA!

…

Santa – My wife died yesterday..

I’m trying to cry but tears are not come out,

what to do?

Banta – No Problem.

Just Imagine she Came Back. :D…

Santa Platfrom k side leta tha

Banta-Kya kar rahe ho?

Santa-Sucite

Banta-to beach me leto

Santa-Dar lagta he……

Santa: Beer-Bar ch ro riha c. Bar owner: Kyon ro rahe ho?

SANTA: Oye ki karaan?

Main jis kudi da naam bhulna chahunda haan usda naam yaad hi nahi aa riha…..

Taxi driver to Santa: sardarji petrol khatam ho
gaya hai gaddi aage nahin ja sakati.
Santa: koi gal nahin GAADI PICHHE LELO .

Santa-Tum Meri Shadi Me Aaoge Na?

Banta-Mai Un Logo Me Se Nahi

,Jo Musibat

Ke Waqt Dost Akela Chhod De.

Main Zarur Aaunga…

Mrs. Santa Don’t Like To Eat Green Grass

But,

Mr. Santa Likes..

Why???

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Because,

Santa Is A Guy !!!…

Santa: I have swallowed a key.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too…

My Grand Father Lived For 96 Years

He Never Used Glasses

Sardar : Ya

I Know

Few People Drink

Directly From Bottle…

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?

A: He wanted to see butterfly!…

Santa: They were married for 25 years and still in Love.

Banta: How?

Santa: HE with his secretary and SHE with her doctor!

…

Santa Ki Amma Mar Gyi.

1 Admi Bola-Amma Mujhe Le Jati

2-4 Or Bole-Amma Hume Bi Le Jati

S:-Chup Ho Jao Kamino

Amma Kya suzuki Dala Kr Ke Gyi He…

Santa: Yaar Banta, Doctor Ne Kaha Hy Mujhe AIDS Hy. Ye AIDS Hota Kia Hai. . . ? ?

Banta:

A – Ab

I – Is

D – Dunya Se

S – Satt Shri Kal. . . ;->…

Jeeto yelled at santa: U"re gonna b really sorry! I"m going to LEAVE you!

Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!…

Santa was recruiting Lawyers for a firm. He was taking interviews.

Santa : Do u knw all d laws ?

Lawyer : Yes !

Santa : Tell me 3rd law of Thermodynamics ;->

…

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat….

A Couple havin sex on upper berth in train, by chance bra fals down
on santa, he says: O paji ye kya kiya, doodh aapne piya, aur packet
hamare upar faink diya……

Santa : Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghum Aaun,

Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Banta : Kuch B Nahi

Santa : Kaise?

Banta : Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte…