Lady doctor tum roz subah clinic ke

Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?

Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai ‘aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12’.

Santa do you know english banta

Santa: Do you know English?

Banta: Yes

Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?

Banta: So simple Yaar… NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

Santa to pappu wheres sukhna lake

Santa to Pappu: Where’s Sukhna Lake?

Pappu: Pata nahi.

Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.

Pappu: Who’s Banta?

Santa: Pata nai.

Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.

Santa banta sending sms 2 their

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to…?

Santa i have swallowed a kay

Santa: I have swallowed a kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Titanic was sinking an englishman asked santa

Titanic was sinking.

An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?

Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.

Englishman: Now, which direction (left or right)?

Santa: Downwards!

Titanic was sinking an englishman asked

Titanic was sinking.

An englishman asked Santa, ‘How far is land’?

Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.

Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards!

Three friends after exam lucky yaar mujhey

Three friends after exam.

Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon.

Banta: Main bhi!

Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.

Santaji agr aapko thand lagti hai to

santaji: agr aapko thand lagti hai to aap kya karte hai:

santaji: main heater le aato hoon

lekin agar aapko phir bhi thand lagti hai to kya karte hai

santaji: to main heater on kar leta hoon…..

Santa went to see a gal for

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: ‘behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?’ Girl: ‘Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.’

Masterji kal school kyu nahi aaya

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.

Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.

Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?

Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi

Santa had a dream in which someone

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.

Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?

Because the bank’s slogan was:

We make your dreams come true…

Ek din santa raat me late ghar

Ek din Santa Raat me Late Ghar gaya.

Agle din Banta ne puchha :

Aur Bhai,

Kal Raat bhabi ji ne Ghar pe Locha to nahi kiya? .

SANTA :

Kuch Khas nahi,

aage ke do daant to waise bhi Mai nikalwane wala tha… 😛 😀 😀 😀 😀

A lady calls santa for repairing door

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Girl will u marry me santa

Girl: Will u marry me?

Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

Santa was smoking in front of his

Santa was smoking in front of his father. . .

Mother-oye papa k samne smoking kr raha h. . . .

Santa:

baap hi to h, sala Koi petrol pump thodi hai jo udjayega..

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.

Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.

Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

Santa ki behen ko daaku utha le

Santa ki behen ko daaku utha le gaye.

Logo ne kaha ki daaku khatarnak hai khali hath mat jana

behen ko bachane!

Fir .?

kya .?

Santa 3 kilo aam le gaya..

Santa ne bus me ek ladki ko

Santa ne bus me Ek Ladki ko ched

Diya.

Ladki-Tumhre Ghar me Maa Behen Nahi Hai kya?

Santa-kya pata me to subah se Ghar ke Bahar Hu!

Banta kal muje 10 logo ne peeta

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.

Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?

Banta: Maine kaha salon Ek-Ek karke aao.

Santa: Phir?

Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta

Nurse aapko judwa bacche hue santa

Nurse: Aapko judwa bacche

hue.

.

.

Santa: hona hi tha.

Picture hi aise dekhi thi.

Dhoom 2

Golmaal 2

Raaz 2

.

.

.

.

.

Nurse: Acha hua Delhi-6 nhi

dekhi…..(cool)

Ultimate answer while changing the job

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where..

Daku mangal singh banta ke ghar mein

‘Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..

Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!

Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao’

Santa apni gf ko i love

Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.

Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa : I am falling in love.

Santa was drawing money from atm banta

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

In a train compartment husband darling mujhe

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.

Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.

Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?

Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

Santa main ghar jaate hi biwi ki

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.

Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.

Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai

Santa mere papa itne lambe the ki

santa-

mere papa itne lambe the ki khade-khade chalta fan rok dete the…

banta-

yar…

papa ta mere bi lumbe the.

per unko ulte-pulte pange lene ki aadat nahi thi…

Santa woh ladki kitni sundar hai

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

Santa: Kya naam hai uska?

Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha ‘CHAALU KHAATA’

Two days of powercut in delhi had

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators

Jeeto u know husband wife arent

Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren’t allowed to be together in heaven!

Santa: Yes, I do.That’s why it’s called heaven!

An astronomer was watching the sky from

An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.

Santa Singh was observing him, suddenly a star falls.

Seeing that Santa Singh shouted, “what a shot you made!”

Santas urine report got exchanged with a

Santa’s urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.

Dr. told santa, ‘you are pregnant’.

Angry santa shouts at wife, ‘Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de’.

Santa waiting at bus stop in uk

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.

When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.

Banta when i get mad at u

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?

Preeto: I clean the toilet.

Banta: How does that help?

Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa goes 2 a petrol pump sees

Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump

sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here,

he Picks his Mobile Phone,

Calls everyone from his phone

& says DON”T CALL ME NOW

Santa found a cigarette in his daughters

Santa found a cigarette in his daughter’s room:

‘Ohh God! She smokes!!!’

Then he found wine



‘Ohh God! She drinks!!!’

Then he saw the boy.

.

‘Ohh Thank God!!

Ahhh! To ye sab iss munde da hai!!’ 😀

Santa tere result da ki banya pappu

Santa: Tere result da ki banya?

Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga?

Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.

Santa oye ladki dekh kitni sohni hai

Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.

Banta: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.

Santa: Kya naam hai.

Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha:

Accountant

Pappu dad what is an idiot santa

Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?

Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Santa major rohail told me tv cabel

Santa:

Major Rohail told me T.V cabel is not good for kids,

they don’t study,so i got rid of it

Banta: Good?

Santa: Now we have a Dish Installed

Daku mangal singh banta ke ghar mein

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..

Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!

Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao

Santa sir hun meri salary wada deyo

Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.

Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.

Santa yar muje major rohail ne social

Santa: Yar muje Major Rohail ne social work krne Pr bohat mara.

Batna: Social Work?

Santa: Han, me ne qabristan k gate pr Welcome ka board lagaya tha

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?

Banta: Apple khane.

Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.

Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.

Dosto ki mehfil se bahut jaldi uth

Dosto ki mehfil se bahut jaldi uth jaane par

santa ko unke dosto ne taana diya- ‘Patni ka

aisa bhi kya dar, tum aadmi ho ya choohe?’

Santa- ‘Aadmi, choohe se to meri patni darti hai|’

Nurse came out with the newborn kid

Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal

Santa bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai

Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.

Jeeto: Thank u G

Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.

Jeeto: Thank u G.

Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.

Jeeto: Thank u G

Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi…

Santa had a dream in which someone

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.

Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?

Because the bank’s slogan was:

We make your dreams come true…

Wife aap bahut mote ho gaye ho

Wife: aap Bahut Mote Ho gaye ho

santa: Tum b To kitni Moti Ho gai Ho

wife:mai to maa Banne wali hu

Santa: Mai b to Baap banne wala hu

Banta yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa dials a number a girl receives

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.