Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species:  The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be.  The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

There’s just something about letting a girl have her way with you.  ~A.C. Van Cherub

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.  ~Dave Barry

A woman asks little of love:  only that she be able to feel like a heroine.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.  ~Author Unknown

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.  ~Charlotte WhittonWRM1896-1975, former mayor of Ottowa

I would rather trust a woman’s instinct than a man’s reason.  ~Stanley Baldwin

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals.  To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.  ~Fran Lebowitz

Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men, but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen.  ~Compton Mackenzie, Literature in My Time, 1933ch22, MBT

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.  ~Karl KrausCUL

When I glimpse the backs of women’s knees I seem to hear the first movement of Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony.  ~Author UnknownLTC

Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination.  ~Marcel Proust, Albertine disparue, 1925LCD

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.  ~Ellery Queen

Breasts and bosoms I have known
Of varied shapes and sizes
From poignant disappointments
To jubilant surprises.
~Waldo Pierce

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.  ~Thomas Carlyle

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.  ~Author Unknown

The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart.  ~Author Unknown

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.  ~Diana Stürm

If the good Lord had not intended for man to eat pussy he wouldn’t have made it look so much like a taco.  ~Author Unknown

The man’s desire is for the woman; but the woman’s desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man.  ~Samuel Taylor ColeridgeDCMOO

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late?  Nobody.  ~J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her.  ~John Vanbrugh, The Relapse, 1696

Men will always delight in a woman whose voice is lined with velvet.  ~Brendan FrancisCUL

Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.  ~Oscar WildeCUL

Women are most fascinating between the ages of thirty-five and forty, after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass forty, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely. ~Christian Dior, Collier’s, June 10, 1955

Women who make men talk better than they are accustomed to are always popular.  ~E.V. LucasCUL

A man sometimes wins an argument, but a woman always wins a silence. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.comtwitter.com/RobertBrault1/status/203076397516849154, 17may2012 tweet

The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.  ~Robert GravesCUL

A man’s face is his autobiography.  A woman’s face is her work of fiction.  ~Oscar Wilde

I prefer the word homemaker, because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.  ~Bella AbzugWL

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.  ~Author Unknown

The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.  ~Germaine GreerCUL

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.  ~Samuel Johnson

Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.  ~Bette Davis, about Jayne MansfieldLTC

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.  ~Edna Ferber

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.  ~Author Unknown

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness.  ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to VoltairePMB

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right – instantly.  ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)PMB

Behind every great woman is a guy looking at her ass.  ~Author Unknown

The torment that so many young women know, bound hand and foot by love and motherhood, without having forgotten their former dreams.  ~Simone de BeauvoirCUL

Women really do rule the world.  They just haven’t figured it out yet.  When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.  ~"Doctor Leon," drleons.com

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt.  Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

Variability is one of the virtues of a woman.  It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy.  So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem.  ~G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions, 1910LCD

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.  ~Ogden NashCUL

There are women who do not like to cause suffering to many men at a time, and who prefer to concentrate on one man:  These are the faithful women.  ~Alfred CapusCUL

It’s the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. ~Tallulah Bankhead

Women keep a special corner of their hearts for sins they have never committed.  ~Cornelia Otis SkinnerMBT, p119

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.  ~James Thurber

If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don’t; if you don’t know what he expects, what are you doing married?  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.  ~Elbert Hubbard

There are three things men can do with women:  love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.  ~Stephen Stills

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.  ~George Meredith

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man’s rib; she was really made from his funny bone.  ~J.M. Barrie, What Every Woman KnowsMCTO

The people I’m furious with are the women’s liberationists.  They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming women are brighter than men.  That’s true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.  ~Anita Loos, New York Times, 10 February 1974LCD

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.  ~Bill Maher

I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.  ~Fred AllenCUL

Women are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts and pheromones.  ~Camille PagliaPIH

Women are never landlocked:  they’re always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.
~Matthew Prior

I should like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husbands to stay at home, and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out.  ~George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

"Like enough," said Mrs. Poyser, "for the men are mostly so slow, their thoughts overrun ’em, an’ they can only catch ’em by the tail.  I can count a stocking-top while a man’s getting’s tongue ready an’ when he outs wi’ his speech at last, there’s little broth to be made on’t.  It’s your dead chicks take the longest hatchin’.  Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish:  God Almighty made ’em to match the men.  ~George Eliot, "The Harvest Supper," Adam Bede

God did it on purpose so that we may love you men instead of laughing at you.  ~Mrs Patrick Campbell, in reply to a male acquaintance who asked why women seem to have no sense of humorQS

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

Women go to beauty parlors for the unmussed look men hate.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN

You have to have the kind of body that doesn’t need a girdle in order to get to pose in one.  ~Carolyn KenmoreCUL

Can you imagine a world without men?  No crime and lots of happy fat women.  ~Nicole Hollander

Women are like dogs really.  They love like dogs, a little insistently.  And they like to fetch and carry and come back wistfully after hard words, and learn rather easily to carry a basket.  ~Mary Roberts Rinehart

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.  All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy.  Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.  ~Cindy Crawford

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.  ~Woody Allen, Getting Even, 1973p.139; NA

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.  ~Elizabeth MetcalfCUL

A highbrow is a man who has found something more interesting than women.  ~Edgar WallaceCUL

Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.  ~Jules Barbey d’AurevillyFD

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN