The only time a woman really succeeds

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.  ~Natalie Woodquoted in The Joys of Having a Child, Bill & Gloria Adler, 1993, FW

Ive been on a constant diet for

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades.  I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds.  By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.  ~Erma BombeckWL

You have to the kind of body

You have to have the kind of body that doesn’t need a girdle in order to get to pose in one.  ~Carolyn KenmoreCUL

You can take no credit for beauty

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.  But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul’s own doing.  ~Marie Stopes

If i had been around when rubens

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model.  Kate Moss?  Well, she would have been the paintbrush.  ~Dawn French

Having a bottom is living with the

Having a bottom is living with the enemy.  Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we’re looking the other way.  ~Coupling, "Her Best Friend’s Bottom," original airdate 17 September 2001, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally

A lot of guys think the larger

A lot of guys think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent she is.  I don’t think it works like that.  I think it’s the opposite.  I think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.  ~Anita WiseWL

Inside some of us is a thin

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.  ~Author Unknown

A woman needs a man like fish

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.  ~Irina Dunn, 1970, commonly misattributed to Gloria Steinem who had quoted Dunn

I would like it if men had

I would like it if men had to partake in the same hormonal cycles to which we’re subjected monthly.  Maybe that’s why men declare war – because they have a need to bleed on a regular basis.  ~Brett ButlerWL

Dont cook clean no man will ever

Don’t cook.  Don’t clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum – "My God, the floor’s immaculate.  Lie down, you hot bitch."  ~Joan RiversWL

I try to take one day at

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  ~Jennifer YaneWL