Television hangs on the questionable theory that

Television hangs on the questionable theory that whatever happens anywhere should be sensed everywhere.  If everyone is going to be able to see everything, in the long run all sights may lose whatever rarity value they once possessed, and it may well turn out that people, being able to see and hear practically everything, will be specially interested in almost nothing.  ~E.B. White

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties please

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties.  Please do not panic.  Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones.  Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.  ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Back again new and improved we return

Back again, new and improved
We return to our irregularly programmed schedule
hidden cleverly between heavy breasted beer and car commercials…
~The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy, "Television, the Drug of the Nation" (song)

The one function tv news performs very

The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.  ~David Brinkley

Televisions perfect you turn a few knobs

Television is really what we’ve been looking for all our lives…. It took a certain amount of effort to go to the movies…. Radio was a lot better, but there wasn’t anything to look at…. You had to use a little imagination to build yourself a picture of what was going on just by the sound.  But [T]elevision’s perfect.  You turn a few knobs, a few of those mechanical adjustments at which the higher apes are so proficient, and lean back and drain your mind of all thought.  And there you are watching the bubbles in the primeval ooze.  You don’t have to concentrate.  You don’t have to react.  You don’t have to remember.  You don’t miss your brain because you don’t need it.  Your heart and liver and lungs continue to function normally.  Apart from that, all is peace and quiet.  You are in the man’s nirvana.  And if some poor nasty minded person comes along and say you look like a fly on a can of garbage, pay him no mind.  He probably hasn’t got the price of a television set.  ~Raymond Chandlerletter to editor, Atlantic Monthly, 22 November 1950

The publishers and others should quit worrying

The publishers and others should quit worrying about losing customers to TV.  The guy who can sit through a trio of deodorant commercials to look at Flashgun Casey or swallow a flock of beer and loan-shark spiels in order to watch a couple of fourth-rate club fighters rub noses on the ropes is not losing any time from book reading.  ~Raymond Chandler, 1946letter to his agent H.N. Swanson, July 1946

Television the drug of nation breeding

Television – the drug of the nation
Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation…
~The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy, "Television, the Drug of the Nation" (song)

I wish there was a knob on

I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence.  They got one marked "brightness" but it don’t work, does it?  ~Leo Anthony Gallagher

Philo began laying out his vision for

Later in the ride, Philo began laying out his vision for what television could become.  Above all else, he told Pem,… television would become the world’s greatest teaching tool.  Illiteracy would be wiped out.  The immediacy of television was the key.  As news happened viewers would watch it unfold live; no longer would we have to rely on people interpreting and distorting the news for us.  We would be watching sporting events and symphony orchestras.  Instead of going to the movies, the movies would come to us.  Television would also bring about world peace.  If we were able to see people in other countries and learn about our differences, why would there be any misunderstandings?  War would be a thing of the past.  ~Evan I. Schwartz, The Last Lone Inventor, about Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television

We cannot blame the schools alone for

We cannot blame the schools alone for the dismal decline in SAT verbal scores.  When our kids come home from school do they pick up a book or do they sit glued to the tube, watching music videos?  Parents, don’t make the mistake of thinking your kid only learns between 9:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.  ~George Bush

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle aged

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you’d find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.  ~Dave BarryPCR

I have come to the feeling about

I have come to the feeling about television the way I do about hamburgers:  I eat a lot of hamburgers and I don’t remember a single one of them.  ~John Barrow, 1973

What is being lost the magic of

What is being lost is the magic of the word.  I am not an image person.  Imagery belongs to another civilization:  the caveman.  Caveman couldn’t express himself so he put images on walls.  ~Elie Wiesel, 1995

If you read a lot of books

If you read a lot of books, you’re considered well-read.  But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well-viewed.  ~Lily Tomlin

On cable tv they have a weather

On cable TV they have a weather channel – 24 hours of weather.  We had something like that where I grew up.  We called it a window.  ~Dan Spencer

What compels you to stare night after

What compels you to stare, night after night, at all the glittering hokum that has been deliberately put together for you?  ~J.B. Priestley, about AmericansCUL

Tv if kids are entertained by two

TV.  If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they’ll have with twenty-six.  Open your child’s imagination.  Open a book.  ~Author Unknown

Television is the first truly democratic culture

Television is the first truly democratic culture – the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want.  The most terrifying thing is what people do want.  ~Clive Barnes

Ninety eight percent of american homes have tv

Ninety-eight percent of American homes have TV sets, which means the people in the other 2% have to generate their own sex and violence.  ~Attributed to Gene Baylosnot Franklin P. Jones who died in 1929

I believe television is going to be

I believe television is going to be the test of the modern world, and that in this new opportunity to see beyond the range of our vision, we shall discover a new and unbearable disturbance of the modern peace, or a saving radiance in the sky.  We shall stand or fall by television – of that I am quite sure.  ~E.B. White

The television that insidious beast medusa which

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.  ~Ray Bradbury, The Golden Apples of the Sun

Television keeps the masses occupied what if

Television keeps the masses occupied.  What if everyone decided they wanted to make something of their lives?  Television keeps the competition down and keeps more criminals off the street.  What if everyone decided to go to law school or medical school?  It would sure make it tough on the rest of us.  ~Jim Urbanovich