Being a child at home alone in

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation.  If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.  ~Erma Bombeck

Your responsibility as a parent is not

Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine.  You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star.  If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.  ~Fran Lebowitz, "Parental Guidance," Social Studies, 1981CTO

Labor day is a glorious holiday because

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day.  It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.  ~Bill DoddsFCN

Parents know best how to push our

Parents know best how to push our buttons because they installed them.  ~Author Unknownnot RWilliams as published by RD, it was around before then

Give me the life of boy whose

Give me the life of the boy whose mother is nurse, seamstress, washerwoman, cook, teacher, angel, and saint, all in one, and whose father is guide, exemplar, and friend.  No servants to come between.  These are the boys who are born to the best fortune.  ~Andrew CarnegieMAC; QSO

The guys who fear becoming fathers dont

The guys who fear becoming fathers don’t understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.  The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.  ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough, ch. 12, FW

It would seem that something which means

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.  ~Phyllis DillerMAC

Hot dogs always seem better out than

Hot dogs always seem better out than at home; so do French-fried potatoes; so do your children.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN

If your kids are giving you a

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children."  ~Susan SavannahFCN

Mother nature in her infinite wisdom has

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.  ~Dave BarryFCN

My mom used to say it doesnt

My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid’ll take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time.  ~Karen BrownWL

Likely as not the child you can

Likely as not, the child you can do the least with will do the most to make you proud.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN, TPV

It is not a bad thing that

It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.  ~Colette, My Mother’s House, 1922LCD

No matter how calmly you try to

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986ch4, FW

Was there ever a grandparent bushed after

Was there ever a grandparent, bushed after a day of minding noisy youngsters, who hasn’t felt the Lord knew what He was doing when He gave little children to young people?  ~Joe E. WellsCUL

Making the decision to have a child

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

In spite of the six thousand manuals

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck – and, of course, courage.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986, ch. 1, FW

If your children spend most of their

If your children spend most of their time in other people’s houses, you’re lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you’re blessed.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

The hardest part of raising a child

The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles.  A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom.  The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.  ~Sloan WilsonCQ

How pleasant it is for a father

How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board.  It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted.  ~Walter Scott