The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.  ~Mad Magazine

No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.  ~Mark Twain

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it.  The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.  ~Henry Ford

I hire tea by the tea bag.  ~Martin Amis, on renting the essentials of life after breaking up with a lover, Money: A Suicide Note, Viking 85, quoted in Time 11 Mar 85, verified in bartleby.com (Thanks to bartleby.com for verifying the details of the source.)

The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.  ~Author Unknown

There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail.  ~Logan Pearsall Smith, "Life and Human Nature," Afterthoughts, 1931MBT

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.  ~Yogi BerraCUL

Money does not pay for anything, never has, never will.  It is an economic axiom as old as the hills that goods and services can be paid for only with goods and services.  ~Albert Jay Nock, Memoirs of a Superfluous Man, 1943LCD

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.  ~Errol Flynn

Money often costs too much.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back.  ~Author Unknown

Money and women.  They’re two of the strongest things in the world.  The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else.  Same with money.  ~Satchel Paige

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.  ~W.C. Fields

If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Intaxication:  Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.  ~From a Washington Post word contest reader submission word contest in which readers were asked to alter a word by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.  ~Doug Larson

It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach.  ~Franklin Delano Roosevelt

There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money, either.  ~Robert Graves

Money is human happiness in the abstract; and so the man who is no longer capable of enjoying such happiness in the concrete, sets his whole heart on money.  ~Arthur Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, 1851, tr. T.B. Saunders, 1890; LOD

There are a handful of people whom money won’t spoil, and we count ourselves among them.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

A bank book makes good reading – better than some novels.  ~Harry LauderQSO

Inflation is taxation without legislation.  ~Milton Friedman

[T]hose who live by numbers can also perish by them and it is a terrifying thing to have an adding machine write an epitaph, either way.  ~George J.W. Goodman, The Money Game, ch.7, p.84; NA

The little money I have – that is my wealth, but the things I have for which I would not take money, that is my treasure.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.  ~Oscar WildeCUL

We may see the small value God has for riches, by the people he gives them to.  ~Alexander Pope, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1727LOD

A man’s soul may be buried and perish under a dungheap or in a furrow of the field, just as well as under a pile of money.  ~Nathaniel HawthorneCUL

It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.  ~Logan Pearsall Smith

I’m tired of Love: I’m still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.
~Hilaire Belloc, "Fatigued," Sonnets and Verse, 1923LOD

We have profoundly forgotten everywhere that Cash-payment is not the sole relation of human beings.  ~Thomas Carlyle, Past and PresentHHQ

This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this:  most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.  ~Douglas Adams

Money doesn’t talk, it swears.  ~Bob Dylan, "It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)"

Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.  ~H.L. Mencken

It frees you from doing things you dislike.  Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.  ~Groucho MarxCUL

It’s a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.  ~Albert Camus

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.  ~Aristotle OnassisCUL

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.  ~Oscar Wilde

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.  ~Gloria Steinem

Few are aware that they want any thing, except pounds schillings and pence.  ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.  ~Henry Wheeler Shaw

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.  ~A.A. Latimer

He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends.  ~William ShakespeareQSO

If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.  ~George GobelCUL

Inflation hasn’t ruined everything.  A dime can still be used as a screwdriver.  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste.  ~M.W. HarrisonQSO

Do not value money for any more nor any less than its worth; it is a good servant but a bad master.  ~Alexandre Dumas fils, Camille, 1852WLBUQ

But tell me:  how did gold get to be the highest value?  Because it is uncommon and useless and gleaming and gentle in its brilliance; it always gives itself.  Only as an image of the highest virtue did gold get to be the highest value.  The giver’s glance gleams like gold.  A golden brilliance concludes peace between the moon and the sun.  Uncommon is the highest virtue and useless, it is gleaming and gentle in its brilliance:  a gift-giving virtue is the highest virtue.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, On the Gift-Giving Virtue, 1883

It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.  ~George Horace Lorimer

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.  ~Woody Allen

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out.  ~Author Unknown

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.  ~Max Amsterdam

Lack of money is the root of all evil.  ~George Bernard Shaw

They who are of the opinion that Money will do everything, may very well be suspected to do everything for Money.  ~George Savile, Complete Works, 1912WLBUQ

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.  If I’m not there, I go to work.  ~Robert Orben

My old father used to have a saying:  If you make a bad bargain, hug it all the tighter.  ~Abraham LincolnCUL

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.  ~Sam Ewing

Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel.  It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintance, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness.  ~Henrik Ibsen

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.  ~Ron Kittle, 1987BQ

Waste your money and you’re only out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life.  ~Michael Leboeuf