Men Quotes SMS Collection

The first time you buy a house

The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it.  The second time you look to see

Whats the matter with you guys the

What’s the matter with you guys?  The sight of blonde hair knocks you three rungs down on the evolutionary ladder.  ~From the television show

Self discipline implies some unpleasant things to me

Self-discipline implies some unpleasant things to me, including staying away from chocolate and keeping my hands out of women’s pants.  ~Oleg Kiselev

There is no female mozart because there

There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.  ~Camille PagliaWRM

Show me a woman who doesnt feel

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.  ~Erica JongWRM

Men can read maps better than women

Men can read maps better than women.  ‘Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.  ~Roseanne BarrWL

I can eat a man but im

I can eat a man, but I’m not sure of the fiber content.  ~Jenny EclairWRM

A mans home may be his castle

A man’s home may be his castle on the outside; inside, it is more often his nursery.  ~Clare Boothe LuceCUL

Give a man free hand and hell

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.  ~Mae WestLTC

All women become like their mothers that

All women become like their mothers.  That is their tragedy.  No man does.  That’s his.  ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895, act

Women speak because they wish to speak

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance,

Some men are so macho theyll get

Some men are so macho they’ll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.  ~Maureen Murphy

It takes a woman twenty years to

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him. 

Many a man owes his success to

Many a man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.  ~Jim Backus, Morrow’s International Dictionary of Contemporary

A mans heart may have a secret

A man’s heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom

If men can run the world why

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little

Never trust a husband too far nor

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.  ~Helen Rowland

br / All men are rapists and that’s all they are.  They r

All men are rapists and that’s all they are.  They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.  ~Marilyn French, WRM

When it comes to hiding porn every

When it comes to hiding porn, every man is a CIA agent.  ~S.A. Sachs

Women are one of the almightys enigmas

Women are one of the Almighty’s enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do.  ~Ellen Glasgow

Did you hear about the baby born

Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes?  It had a penis and a brain.  ~Author Unknown

Women are never disarmed by compliments men

Women are never disarmed by compliments; men always are.  ~Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband, 1899LCD

On the one hand well never experience

On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth.  On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.  ~Bruce Willis, on the difference

When a man talks dirty to woman

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.  ~Author

Tis strange what a man may do

‘Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.  ~William Makepeace ThackerayHenry Esmond

I wonder why men get serious at

I wonder why men get serious at all.  They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by

Part of the reason that men seem

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men’s behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.  ~Francesca

Women may be able to fake orgasms

Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.  ~James Shubert

br / The best part of living alone is never having to tuck you

The best part of living alone is never having to tuck your morning wood in the elastic of your boxers.  ~Author Unknown

Men are clinging to football on a

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren’t even aware of.  For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten

Sometimes i wonder if men and women

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.  ~Katharine

A man always blames the woman who

A man always blames the woman who fools him.  In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.  ~Henry

The only time a woman really succeeds

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.  ~Natalie WoodWRM

Men lose more conquests by their own

Men lose more conquests by their own awkwardness than by any virtue in the woman.  ~Ninon de Lenclos

Anybody who believes that the way to

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  ~Robert Byrne

Imagine what will happen to this nation

Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra.  It will be catastrophic.  The male half

Stop im the guy i dont stop

Stop?  I’m the guy.  I don’t stop!  That’s the woman’s job.  We’re the gas, they’re the brakes.  ~Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel, EDtv, 1999

Whats with you men would hair stop

What’s with you men?  Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?  ~Erma BombeckWRM

The only difference between men and boys

The only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys.  ~Author Unknown

Macho doesnt prove mucho zsa zsa gabor

Macho doesn’t prove mucho.  ~Zsa Zsa GaborWRM

Men are beasts and even dont behave

Men are beasts and even beasts don’t behave as they do.  ~Brigitte Bardot

Theres a difference between beauty and charm

There’s a difference between beauty and charm.  A beautiful woman is one I notice.  A charming woman is one who notices me.  ~John Erskine

If the world were a logical place

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.  ~Rita Mae Brown

When a man of forty falls in

When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.  ~Lenore

My theory is that men are no

My theory is that men are no more liberated than women.  ~Indira GandhiCUL

Alas it is not the child but

Alas! it is not the child but the boy that generally survives in the man.  ~Arthur Helps, Thoughts in the Cloister and the Crowd,

Sometimes i think if there was a

Sometimes I think if there was a third sex men wouldn’t get so much as a glance from me.  ~Amanda VailWRM

Men want a woman whom they can

Men want a woman whom they can turn on and off like a light switch.  ~Ian Fleming

Im a babe magnet just the wrong

I’m a babe magnet… just the wrong end.  ~Author Unknown

I know many married men even a

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don’t know one who wouldn’t fall down the first

Women have served all these centuries as

Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses providing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man as twice its natural

I like naked women im a bloke

I like naked women.  I’m a bloke.  I’m supposed to like them.  We’re born like that.  We like naked women as soon as we’re

A man who marries his mistress leaves

A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.  ~Oscar WildePMB

No man stands so straight as when

No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.  ~Knights of Pythagoras