Marriage Quotes SMS Collection

After the chills and fever of love

After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage!  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN

People do not marry people real ones

People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images.  The exciting

And when will there be an end

And when will there be an end of marrying?  I suppose, when there is an end of living!  ~TertullianRDM

Give up all hope of peace so

Give up all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive.  ~Juvenal, SatiresLCC

Come lets be a comfortable couple and

Come, let’s be a comfortable couple and take care of each other!  How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond

The view that a peptic ulcer may

The view that a peptic ulcer may be the hole in a man’s stomach through which he crawls to escape from his wife has

The chief reason why marriage is rarely

The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane.  ~Joseph CollinsCUL

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.  ~Isadora DuncanWRM

Marriage is like a bank account you

Marriage is like a bank account.  You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.  ~Irwin Corey

Our marriage has always been a 50 50

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition – with the possible exception of closet space.  ~Gene Perret

Getting married is a lot like getting

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.  After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.  ~Minnie

Mother in law a woman who destroys her son in laws

Mother-in-law:  a woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.  ~Author Unknown

I figure that the degree of difficulty

I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown

A long marriage is two people trying

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.  ~Anne Taylor Flemingin Town and Country

Marriage means commitment of course so does

Marriage means commitment.  Of course, so does insanity.  ~Author Unknown

Never marry for money yell borrow it

Never marry for money.  Ye’ll borrow it cheaper.  ~Scottish Proverb

Being divorced is like being hit by

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.  If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and

Marriage that i call the will of

Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

The concept of two people living together

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in

Love matches are made by people who content

Love-matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.  ~Countess of Blessington

Its easy to understand love at first

It’s easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for

A man without a wife is like

A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.  ~African ProverbQNFQ

Dont marry the person you think can

Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.  ~James C. Dobson

You can never be happily married to

You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself.  Successful marriage demands a certain death to self.  ~Jerry

For two people in a marriage to

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.  ~Bill Cosby, Love

Alimony the ransom that the happy

Alimony – The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.  ~H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920CTO

I love being married its so great

I love being married.  It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.  ~Rita

In olden times sacrifices were made at

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued.  ~Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909PMB

Marriage isnt all that its cracked up

Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.  Let me tell you, honestly.  Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.  ~Larry Gelbart,

When a man opens the car door

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.  ~Prince PhilipRDM

Marriage must constantly fight against a monster

Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything:  routine.  ~Honore de BalzacRDM

Though marriage makes man and wife one

Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves ’em still two fools.  ~William CongreveRDM

More marriages might survive if the partners

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

English law prohibits a man from marrying

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law.  This is our idea of useless legislation.  ~Author Unknown

Marrying for love may be a bit

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.  ~Josh Billings

Love a temporary insanity curable by marriage

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.  ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s DictionaryHHQ

I came from a big family as

I came from a big family.  As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.  ~Lewis GrizzardFCN

God created sex priests marriage voltaire

God created sex.  Priests created marriage.  ~Voltaire

Chains do not hold a marriage together

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone SignoretCD

Why does a woman work ten years

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?  ~Barbra Streisand

Men who have a pierced ear are

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.  ~Rita RudnerWRM

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.  ~Joey Adams

Marriage is an alliance entered into by

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the

In the opinion of world marriage ends

In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy.  The truth is precisely the opposite:  it begins all. 

An object in possession seldom retains the

An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.  ~Pliny the Younger, Letters, book 2, letter 15; PMB

Love seems the swiftest but it is

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths.  No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they

Two things are owed to truthfulness

Two things are owed to truthfulness – lasting marriages and short friendships.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

My husband and i divorced over religious

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.  He thought he was God, and I didn’t.  ~Author Unknown

Valentines day is when a lot of

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.  ~Author Unknown

In marriage there are no manners to

In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism.  Each is familiar with that ancient child

Wedlock is a padlock john ray english

Wedlock is a padlock.  ~John Ray, English ProverbsLCC

The older i get the less time

The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn’t marry me.  ~Robert Brault,

That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting

That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or

Wasnt marriage like life unstimulating and unprofitable

Wasn’t marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded.  Wasn’t it finer, more splendid, more

As a general guideline never marry anyone

As a general guideline, never marry anyone that you can’t picture helping you go to the bathroom. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

The big difference between sex for money

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.  ~Brendan BehanPMB

Marriage is a great institution but im

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.  ~Mae West

Love is blind but marriage restores its

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.  ~Samuel LichtenbergCD

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence.  Without parole.  ~John Mortimer, The Trials of RumpoleLCC

I guess walking slow getting married is

I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind.  ~Virginia Cary Hudson, O Ye Jigs &

The wedding march always reminds me of

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.  ~Heinrich Heine

Its a nasty divorce when they cant

It’s a nasty divorce when they can’t agree on how to divvy up the His and Hers towels.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Strange to say what delight we married

Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.  ~Samuel PepysRDM

Most marriages can survive 34better or worse34

Most marriages can survive "better or worse."  The tester is all the years of "exactly the same."  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

After a few years of marriage man

After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her – and a woman can see right

The secret of a happy marriage remains

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.  ~Henny Youngman

Love is one long sweet dream and

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.  ~Author Unknown

Heres to matrimony the high sea for

Here’s to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!  ~Heinrich HeineCD

I never even believed in divorce until

I never even believed in divorce until after I got married.  ~Diane FordWL

It takes a loose rein to keep

It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight.  ~John StevensonPMB

Once a woman has forgiven her man

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.  ~Marlene Dietrich, "Forgiveness," Marlene Dietrich’s ABC, 1962, PMB p170

It is not marriage that fails it

It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail.  All that marriage does is to show people up.  ~Harry Emerson FosdickCUL

Ive been married to one marxist and

I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.  ~Lee GrantWRM

Affairs are just as disillusioning marriage and

Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN

Adultery is the application of democracy to

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.  ~Henry Louis Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920MBT, p179

Ive sometimes thought of marrying and then

I’ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I’ve thought again.  ~Noel Coward, 1956LCC

In the early years you fight because

In the early years, you fight because you don’t understand each other.  In the later years, you fight because you do.  ~Joan Didionin O

One thing you learn in a long

One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, "Bless you."  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

To keep your marriage brimming with love

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up. ~Ogden Nash

One of the good things that come

One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing

A woman who loves her husband is

A woman who loves her husband is merely paying her bills.  A woman who loves her lover gives alms to the poor.  ~Paul-Jean TouletCUL

If you want to read about love

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.  ~Alan King

My mother said it was simple to

My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen

Think not because you are now wed

Think not because you are now wed That all your courtship’s at an end. ~Antonio Hurtado de Mendoza

Marriage halves our griefs doubles joys and

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.  ~English ProverbRDM

She cried and the judge wiped her

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.  ~Tommy Manville

Marriage is three parts love and seven

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.  ~Langdon MitchellRDM

The sum which two married people owe

The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation.  It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. 

No married man is genuinely happy if

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.  ~H.L. Mencken

A great poet has seldom sung of

A great poet has seldom sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this respect, too the time is

In every marriage more than a week

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for

Men never know how tired they are

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN

By the time youre his shivering and

By the time you’re his Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying Lady, make a note of this: One of

It gives me a headache to think

It gives me a headache to think about that stuff.  I’m just a kid.  I don’t need that kind of trouble.  ~Kenny, age 7,

Never get married in the morning because

Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night.  ~Paul HornungCUL

I never married because there was no

I never married because there was no need.  I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.  I have

It is easier to be a lover

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day

Marriage is the only war in which

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.  ~François, Duc de La RochefoucauldPMB, p171

The concern that some women show at

The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them,