Humorous Quotes SMS

Just because youre not paranoid doesnt mean

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Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar

The only thing that stops god from

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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. ~Nicholas Chamfort

You know why the french dont want

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You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He

All my life ive wanted just once

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All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Love your enemies it makes them so

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Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. EastCUL

I used to eat a lot of

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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Author Unknown

Anybody can win unless there happens to

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Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George AdePCR

There are truths of which i have

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There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

If all else fails immortality can always

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If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. ~John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went

Maybe this world is another planets hell

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Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. ~Aldous Huxley

Before you criticize someone should walk a

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you

You know the world is going crazy

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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest

A conclusion is the place where you

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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride BlochPMB; quoted by Martin H. Fischer in Fischerisms, 1930-1944

Protect me from knowing what i dont

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Protect me from knowing what I don’t need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don’t

The early bird gets the worm but

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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown

A prisoner of war is a man

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A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston

All generalizations are bad rh grenier

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All generalizations are bad. ~R.H. Grenier

Its always darkest before the dawn so

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It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

I plan on living forever so far

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I plan on living forever. So far, so good. ~Author Unknown

Lead me not into temptation i can

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Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown

The universe is merely a fleeting idea

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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on

If the phone doesnt ring its me

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If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me. ~Song title by Jimmy Buffet

I usually lump organized religion labor and

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I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants. ~Dave Beard2:36 AM Sep