In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains.  Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.  ~Stephen PhillipsETW

We never repent of having eaten too little.  ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825DCMOO

I am a nutritional overachiever.  ~Author Unknown

In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.  ~Benjamin Franklin

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers."  ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50CCQ

Clogged with yesterday’s excess, the body drags the mind down with it.  ~HoraceETW

I’m in shape.  Round is a shape… isn’t it?  ~Author Unknown

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.  ~Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 1876, ch. 22; CTO

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. ~Robert Quillen

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.  ~Dan Bennett

Never eat more than you can lift.  ~Miss PiggyETW

You can’t lose weight by talking about it.  You have to keep your mouth shut.  ~Author Unknown

The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.  ~Peggy RyanWL

History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today.  ~Harold MacMillanCUL

Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.  ~Author Unknown

The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.  ~Author Unknown

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model.  Kate Moss?  Well, she would have been the paintbrush.  ~Dawn French

I have a great diet.  You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.  ~Ed BluestoneCOCI

The cardiologist’s diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.  ~Author Unknown

Don’t go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself. ~Author Unknown

We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.  ~Author Unknown

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.  ~Erma BombeckETW, COCI

All people are made alike –
of bones and flesh and dinner –
Only the dinners are different.
~Gertrude Louise CheneyETW

I’m on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.  ~Author Unknown

Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment.  ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet GraveDCMOO

Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts.  ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.comtwitter.com/wildthyme/status/2237599077

I’m not overweight.  I’m just nine inches too short.  ~Shelley Winters

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.  ~Totie Fields

Reality check:  you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight.  At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems.  You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life.  Losing weight is not a cure for life.  ~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades.  I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds.  By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.  ~Erma BombeckWL; COCI

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me!  ~Author Unknown

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.  ~Author Unknown

When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap.  You worked hard and you deserve the compliment!  ~Jillian Michaelstwitter.com/JillianMichaels/status/2309959372

I go up and down the scale so often that if they ever perform an autopsy on me they’ll find me like a strip of bacon – a streak of lean and a streak of fat.  ~Texas GuinanETW

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.  ~Andy RooneyCOCI

Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.  ~English ProverbCOCI

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.  ~Jane WagnerNEMYL

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.  ~Author Unknown

Gluttony is not a secret vice.  ~Orson Welles

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.  ~Jean Kerr, "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall," The Snake Has All the Lines, 1958

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when.” ~P.G. Wodehousepcr

The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity.  ~Mervyn DeitelDCMOO

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light, she starts to eat. ~Henny Youngmancoci

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.  ~Author Unknown

Where do you go to get anorexia?  ~Shelley WintersETW

Govern well thy appetite, lest Sin
Surprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
~John MiltonCOE

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  ~Tom WilsonNEMYL

As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.  ~Chauncey M. DepewCOE

Forget love – I’d rather fall in chocolate!  ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.  ~Author Unknown

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.  ~Dave Barry

Dieting is wishful shrinking.  ~Author Unknown

You know it’s time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.  ~Quoted in The Cockle Bur

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.  ~Jason Love