Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit. ~Author Unknown
Not to be born at all would be the best thing for man, never to behold the sun’s scorching rays; but if one is born, then one is to press as quickly as possible to the portals of Hades, and rest there under the earth. ~ThiognisLO
The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself. ~Ernest Hemingway
Nothing is more miserable than man,
Of all upon the earth that breathes and creeps.
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. ~Edgar A. Shoaff
I am too tired to fight, but too stubborn to conform to the ways of this fucked up world. I give up. ~Author Unknown, supposed suicide note (Thanks, M6stewart)
Happy endings are only stories that haven’t finished yet. ~Simon Kinberg, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. ~Lemony Snicket
[I] put the question directly to myself: "Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant: would this be a great joy and happiness to you?" And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered, "No!" ~John Stuart Mill, Autobiography, 1909LCD
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? Is it because we are not the person involved? ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894CTO
A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. ~Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1893LCD
Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own. ~Jonathan Swift, The Battle of the Books, 1704LCD
[T]he army of wrongness rampant in the world might as well march over me. ~Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, 1958
We semaphore from ship to ship, but they’re sinking, too. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966CSN
My heart is glass, daily shattered. ~Jaesse Tyler
You’re obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd. You live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation. It is that permanent contradiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced. In that intolerable conflict you lose all joy of life and all feeling of personality, because at every moment they suppress and restrain and check the free play of your powers. That’s the poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world. ~Octave Mirbeau, Torture Garden
Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation. ~James Thurber, Further Fables for Our Time, 1956LCD
To have seen better days, as who has not
Who has seen yesterday?
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Werner, act I, sc 1; BMC
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. ~Ernest Hemingway (Thanks, Schanna)
I don’t answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. ~Fred CouplesCG
All our lives we are putting pennies – our most golden pennies – into penny-in-the-slot machines that are almost always empty. ~Logan Pearsall Smith
Many of us go through life feeling as an actor might feel who does not like his part, and does not believe in the play. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN
Fate stalks us with depressing monotony from womb to tomb, and, when we are least expecting it, deals us a series of crushing blows from behind. ~Hesketh Pearson, The Whispering GalleryNOT Thomas Hardy as stated in the book, he made that up
Oh for a lodge in some vast wilderness,
Some boundless contiguity of shade,
Where rumour of oppression and deceit,
Of unsuccessful or successful war,
Might never reach me more.
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. ~Peter McArthur
Medvedénko: "Why do you always wear black?"
Masha: "I am in mourning for my life."
~Anton Chekhov, The SeagullOPV
Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the crimes, follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. ~Lemony Snicket
I hate to be near the sea, and to hear it raging and roaring like a wild beast in its den. It puts me in mind of the everlasting efforts of the human mind, struggling to be free and ending just where it began. ~William Hazlitt
Paradoxical as it sounds, many intellectuals prefer life in the mud to life in clear water. ~Martin H. FischerFFM
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me. ~Fred AllenCUL
All my joys to this are folly,
Naught so sweet as melancholy.
~Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy, 1651LCD
Comfort, or revelation: God owes us one of these, but surely not both. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960CDN
Man is the cruelest animal. At tragedies, bullfights, and crucifixions he has so far felt best on earth; and when he invented hell for himself, behold, that was his very heaven. ~Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra, 1892LCD
I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left. ~Voltaire
Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious. ~Edgar SaltusCUL
I do not believe in revealed religion – I will have nothing to do with your immortality; we are miserable enough in this life, without speculating on another. ~Lord Byron, 1778-1824, letter to Rev. Francis Hodgson, 1811