Unix never says "please."  ~Rob Pike

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
~Margaret Segall, 1998, honorable mention in the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.comimages.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html

Computing is not about computers any more.  It is about living.  ~Nicholas Negroponte

Treat your password like your toothbrush.  Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.  ~Clifford Stoll

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
~Brian M. Porter, 1998, honorable mention in the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.comimages.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there’s no law against whacking them around a little.  ~Eric Porterfield

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.  ~Edsger W. Dijkstra

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.  ~Author Unknown

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.  ~Author Unknown

Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1.  ~Author Unknown

There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about.  It’s a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work.  The trouble with computers is that you ‘play’ with them!  ~Richard P. FeynmanDCQ

Spreadsheet:  a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things.  ~Doug Gwyn

I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh – We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end."  ~Douglas Adams

Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven.  I don’t think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other.  ~Bill Gates

Computers are like air conditioners.  They work fine until you start opening windows.  ~Author Unknown

I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.  ~Author Unknown

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees.  That’ll do them in.  ~Author UnknownDCQ

Windows is just DOS in drag.  ~Author Unknown

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.  ~Author Unknown

There are three kinds of death in this world.  There’s heart death, there’s brain death, and there’s being off the network.  ~Guy Almes

Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?  ~Author Unknown

Database:  the information you lose when your memory crashes.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.  ~Alan Turing, about computers

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.  ~One of Murphy’s Laws of Technology

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.  ~Author UnknownDCQ

Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.  ~Author UnknownDCQ

In the old days, people robbed stagecoaches and knocked off armored trucks.  Now they’re knocking off servers.  ~Richard Power

Computers, huh?  I’ve heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes…. I don’t know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.  ~From the television show King of Queens, spoken by the character Doug Heffernan

DOS computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide.  Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.  ~Author Unknown

Don’t anthropomorphize computers – they hate it.  ~Author Unknown

Some people can hack it, others can’t.  ~Author Unknown

At least my pencil never crashes!  ~Author Unknown

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.  ~John F. KennedyDCQ

It’s not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy.  Computers have to become human-literate.  ~Nicholas P. NegroponteDCQ

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.  ~Sydney J. Harris

Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?  ~Author Unknown

Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.  ~Author Unknown

Hardware:  where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is.  Software:  where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

My computer kept beating the pants off me at chess, until I discovered that it was no match against me at kickboxing.  ~Author Unknown

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke.  It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.  ~Scott Adams ("Dogbert")

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.  ~Joseph Weizenbaum