Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat.  Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound.  Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.  Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.  ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968BQ

Babies are such a nice way to start people.  ~Don HerroldQNFQ

A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.  ~Mark TwainFCN

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.  ~Phyllis DillerMAC

It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born.  This is not necessarily cause for alarm.  The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.  ~Elinor Goulding Smith

as yet unverified: A grand adventure is about to begin. Winnie the Pooh; And together, they had many grand adventures in a remarkable place called the Hundred Acre Wood. But the grandest and most extraordinary of all those adventures was still to begin. Pooh’s Grand Adventure (out of context)

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.  ~Leo J. Burke

There are three reasons for breast-feeding:  the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.  ~Irena ChalmersNEMYL

Every child begins the world again…. ~Henry David ThoreauCD

…a little child, born yesterday,
A thing on mother’s milk and kisses fed…

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~"Hymn to Mercury" (one of the Homeric Hymns), translated from Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.  ~Fran Lebowitz

If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.  ~Lawrence Housman

A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race.  ~Barbara Christine Seifert, quoted in What Is a Baby?, Richard & Helen Exley, FW

Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they’re already asleep.  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.