Collection of Funny Jokes Messages

Funny Jokes / Short, Stupid, Love and English Jokes SMS


A boy going in car.
Suddenly he saw a girl lying in the middle of road. He came out and..



To be continued..
To listen the full story plz snd 50 easy load ;->...


May our friendship turn in2 silver, silver in2 Gold, gold in2 Dimonds...... and may our dimonds b 4ever. Then we sell it OK. 50/50.
...


driving styles in
diff countries-
............1hands on steering wheel,1 hand out
windo-sydny
.............1 hand on steering and 1 hand on horn
- japan..
.............1 hand on horn,1 hand on gear, listening loud music,1 ear on cell,1 foot on acceleration, nothing on break and both eyes on female in next car-
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"India" ...


Boys Read At Ur Own Risk..!!
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Your Girlfriend Is:

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Smart.

Intelligent.

Sweet.

Talented.

Excellent.

Romantic.

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In Short She Is Your

S.I.S.T.E.R. !!:P:P :P :D...


Boy:
"I want to be a millionaire.
Just like my dad...!"

Girl:
"Wow, your dad's a
millionaire...?"

Boy:
"No, but he always wanted
to be...." =P =D...


Doctor: U l??k exactly like my third wife..!

Lady: How many wivez do u have???


Doc: Two...!


Moral: Express smart ideas
"Smarty' ;)...


A million words would not bring you back, I know, because I've tried. Neither would a million tears. I know, because I've cried ...


u r a donkey
d 4 decent .. o 4 outclass .. n 4 nice .. k 4 kind .. e 4 excelent .. y 4 young
...


Impact of Job Change:

A taxi passenger touched d driver on shouldr 2 ask smthng

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters frm a shop

The driver said:
"Don't ever do that again, u scared me"

Pasengr apologized n said:
"I didn't realize a litle touch wud scare u so much"

Driver replied:
"Sory, it's nt ur fault
its my 1st day as a Cab driver, I've been driving a van carying dead bodies for last 25 yrs;-)
...


A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27.

The receptionist goes,checks the room, comes back to the phone and tells him that there is no one in that room. The room is empty.

Good, says the man. That means I have really escaped!...


Dear God,

Give Me The Wisdom To Understand My Boss.. ..

Give Me The Love To Forgive Him.. ..

Give Me The Patience To Understand His Deeds.. ..

But Dearest God Don


KABHI KISI LADKI SAY BOOK NAHI MANGNI CHAHIYE VERNA MAAR PED SAKTI HAIN COZ IT MEANS
B-BABBY
O-ONLY
O-ONE
K-KISS...


There Are Lessons
In Life That Cannot
Be Taught In School
That's Why
There Is
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F A C E B O O K ... =P =D ...


Height of fb addiction:
A boy's FACEBOOK status-
i'm online on fb durin lecture. Haha
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Comment 4m his teacher:
get out of d class now:)
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PRINCIPLE lykd cmmnt..:-P...


Q: Why There r Different
Types 0f Blood Groups ... ?

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A: So The Mosquitoes Can Enjoy
Different Flavors ... =P =D
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Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I dont have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....

...


Millions of people write Love Letters.

But everyone send there 1st love letter mostly to me,

Just imagine how lucky I m!

Great words
Said by

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** DUST BIN **...


Q:What do you do when a blond throws a hand grenade at you?
Ans: Pull the pin and throw it back.
...


Morning note : Arguing with Boss is jst like wrestling with a cow in the mud. After sometime u realize that u r getting dirty & the cow is enjoying it....


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


Smething 4 A True Friend:
A Good FRIEND Will Cum N Bail U Out If U R In JAIL!!!
A True Friend

Cant.??
B?coz
He Is Sittin NXT To U Sayin:
Dude.. Fasss Gaye Yaar
...


Heights Of Professional Respect..

A Begger Won 50 Lac Rs Lottery N He Took
Gold Utensil For Begging. ...


A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for SELFISH.

...


7 So True Fact About Women
Believe It

1. Most important thing for
WOMEN is FINANCIAL SECURITY !

2. Although this is important,
They still go out & buy
expensive clothes !

3. Although they always buy
expensive clothes , they never
have anything to wear !

4. Although they never have
nothing to wear they always
dress beautifully !

5. Although they always dress
beautifully , they are never
satisfied !

6. Although they are never
satisfied, they always expect men
to compliment them !

7. Although they expect men to
compliment them, when they do
they don't believe them ... =P =D
...


When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....

...


Why is the fire engine red in color?Engine red in color? Color?Bcoz fire engine has a ladder..A lader has steps.. Steps come from a foot..A foot is measured by a ruler.A ruler can b a king or a queen. Elizabeth was queen of england. Elizbeth was also name of ship.Ship floats on water.Water has fish.Fishes have fins. Fins are people of finland.The national flag of finland is red. So fire engine is red in color.. This is a sample of how we attempt our exam...


2 FrIeNds oN tHeIr wAy To A fASt Food FoR diNnEr
1st oRdErS:Double ChEeSe wItH eXtRa cHeEsE aNd eXtRa mAy0s
AtTeNdEnT:Drink?
1St:DiEt cOkE I aM oN diEt!...


A Quiet Man,
Is A Thinking Man.

A Quiet Woman,
Is Usually
Mad.. =P ...


Bitter Truth ...

"If money ever grew on trees. . .
Girl's would'nt mind dating with monkeys"
Very true... =P <-;...


Ek Angrej India Aya Aur Usne Santa Se Puchha
Angrej:


This time...
I'm sure&amp;
I n going2say it...
I
I L
I LO
I LOV
I LOVE
I LOVE Y
I LOVE YO
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOUGURT
Specially wen im hungry
Ha ha
...


ONCE A MAN WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND SAID :
Doctor!! Doctor!!! i just have 40 seconds to live :O
Doctor replied: OK please wait a minute Lolx!! :D :P...


When u feel sad .. To cheer up just go to the mirror and say ..&quot;damn I am really so cute&quot; u will overcome your sadness .. But don't make this a habit .. Coz liars go to hell !!!!
...


Attitude of Youth :)

"We are mOre brilliant than Einstein and Newton..
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It's just they didn't leave anything for us to invent" :D...


My # has changed.
So plz give me a call on my new # is.. 021 15

agar mera naukar uthaye to use 2-4 galiya de dena
kamina apne ap ko Police Wala Kehta Hai.. ;->...


husband:i hear dat husband & wife r not allowed 2 b 2gether in heaven,is it dat so?wife:yes,honey,dat's y its called HEAVEN...


Pakistani Courses:-

MBBS:-Master In Bomb Blasting Strategies

CAT:-Career In Alqaeda & Taliban

IIT:-Islamic Institute of Terrorism

JEE:-Jehadi Entrance Exam....


The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love...


Dear Weather ,

Stop Showing 0ff. . .
We Know
You Are ''HOT'' ! =P =D

EpPie SummEr SeaZon =)...


I was The Most Outstanding Student Of My Class ...






Because,







I Always Stand Outside The Class:-)



Proud 2 b an Out-Standing Student....


Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not
...


Father: I have seen you love your mum more than me. Do you love me or your mum more?

Son: I love both of you equally much.

Father: What if I go America and your mum goes to Paris, where will you go?

Son: Paris of course, it is much beautiful there.

Father: Then what if I go Paris and your mum goes America, where will you go?

Son: America!

Father: So you're bent on following your mum?

Son: No, it's because I already went to Paris! ...



* Giggling Bites *

In The Past,
When You Were Angry With
Someone
...You Argued With Them.
Now
You Just Delete Them Off
Facebook ... =P =D
...


Hi' Need 1 girl 2 marry . . .
Age no bar,
Color no bar,
Height no bar,
Caste no bar,
But girl's father must hv his own bar.-. Cheers....


A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor.
Which will reach down first?
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Ans:The Pizza,as it's fast food! Lol xD...


?JHOOM RE?
Ek sahab nAshay me LarkhratAY hUay fOOT paTH per JA rahay thay..!
Pol?CemAn nE Roka oR poocha:Tum Jantay hO mA?N Kon hoON?
Nashai Sahab Ne Gor Se Dekha oR kaha:NAHI?! Haan agR Tum ye Bta Do k Tumhara ghar Kahan hai?TO mAIN tumhaien tumharay ghar Tak Chor Aaon ga...


New Style Of Break- Up !! :P

A Bf Threw 6 Cricket Balls At His Gf...

Girl Yelled "What Was That For".. :O :O
..

Boy Said "Its Over" !:P :D...


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


A Recent Survey Showed Why Men Like Blow Jobs....

10% Like The Feeling....

12% Like The Dominance....

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&

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78% Like The 8 Minutes Silence........ ;->...


An acountant in a big firm had a very strange habit. Every mroning he used to open his drawer look at a paper and then lock the drawer again. The trainees were very curious and thought that he hid the secret of his success in his drawer. So one day when the accountant was out, the trainees decided to break the lock, when they broke the lock n took out the paper it was written on the paper..

"Left is debit and right is credit"...


U think of me & i think of u. When v both think of each other, do u know wat it means?





It means v both..









have no other work to do!
Dono velay ;-)...


A guy's walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette.

He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."

Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything.

The guy says, "How old are you?"

Johnny says, "Ten."

The guy says, "Ten? When did you start smoking?"

Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid."

The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"

Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk....


3 friends lived in the same flat on the 110th floor. One day the lift wasn't working. So they had to climb the stairs. To pass time & not get bored, they said that, 1st person should tell a war story, 2nd a funny story & 3rd a sad story. 1st person tells a story & they climb to 50th floor. 2nd tells his funny story & they climb to 109th floor. Now the 3rd has to say a very sad story. He says, "I've left the door keys in car"...:-...


I Know U R Too Much Daring Person And Like To Dare To Any Game.

I Have A Special Dare 4 U.

Can You Do?

If Yes Then The Dare Is!

?Bijli K Transformer Par

Khadey Ho Kar Nahana Hai?.

...


GALILO:
Great mind

EINSTEIN:
Genious mind

NEWTON:
Extraordinary mind

BILL GATES:
Brillant mind

Me:
Master mind

U:
Oh!
Neve mind...


A touching love stry

a boy n a grl lv each other vry mch..

One day wile they were talking, the boy touched d girl's hand n in retrn girl touchd boy's hand...




Wat a touching story... ;->...


The Thing Which Is Never
Complete,
Called...
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Syllabus!! ... =P =D...


|~ tODAYz thOUgHT ~|
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Always dn't depend on my thoughts,
Try to think of ur own sumtimes.!
Useless fellow....


Every Man Needs A
Beautiful Wife
Intelligent Wife
Caring Wife
Loving Wife
Smart Wife
Adjusting
&
Cooperative Wife,
But its said dat Islam allows only 4 wife ;->...


A Thought For All Graduates...

"A Thermometer Isn't The Only Thing

That Gets A Degree Without Having

Any Brain..." |'!'|...


Doctor: Youre in good health. Youll live to be eighty.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you!!!...


One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Poof!" said the genie. "You are a housewife." :P...


Nxt generation child wil sing in school
Twinkle twinkle little star,
I jus went 2 royal bar,
Whisky rates r up so high,
So i drink a beer with chicken fry....




Having 1 child makes you a parent but having 2 makes you a refree.

Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right and the other is always husband.

You can't buy love but you pay heavily for it.

Wife and husband always compromise, husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.

Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to
speak..! xP=P...


In an engineering university during a math's class:

Student:
Why do we have to learn this?

Teacher:
To save lives!!!!!

Student:
How does math save lives?

Teacher:
It keeps idiots like you out of medical college... :

...


CAT: how old ru?

ELEPHANT: 5 years

CAT: but u look big?

ELEPHANT: I'm a complan boy

CAT: I'm 30 yrs old.

ELEPHANT: 30? U LOOK SO
SMALL

CAT: I'm a "santoor girl", keep smiling.......!!

...


Boss: "Beware of 50-50-90 rule!"
Employee: "What do you mean Sir?"
Boss: "Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is 90% probability that you will get it wrong!"...


what is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey plz contact zoo for detail
...


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU??? ...


life before computer
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-
-
Window was a square hole in a room
Application was somethong written in paper
Mouse was an animal
Keyboaed was a piano
File was an important office material
Hard drive was an uncomfortable road trip
Cut was done with knife and paste with glue.
Web was a spider's home....
But now......
...


FACEBOOK PAPER

Q1 . Define add as friend ?

Q2 . What does status means ?
...
Q3 . What do u mean by poke ?

Q4 . Give two reasons for liking the girls comments ?

Q5 . What is pic tag ?

Q6 . What is inbox msg ?

Q7 . Give details of info ?

Q8 . Draw a profile pic ?

Q9 . What is page ? And why we prmote it . Give reasons ?

Q10 . Define comments on post ?...


Height Of Unreasonable Demand ??





2 Negroes Wearing Black Suit

Standing Infront F A White Wall

N Asking 4

a Color Phtograph..!!...


God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

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Wife: where'll u take me on our 10th aniversary?
Hsband: We'll go 2 African jungle safari.
Wife: Nice. And on our 25th aniversary?
Husband: I'll bring u back....


Waiter : And how did you find your steak sir?
Man : Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was!!!...


PsyChIatrIst's rEceptionist cOmEs & sAyZ theRe's mAn oUt WHo sAyS He cAn mAke hImSELf

"INVISIBLE"

Psychiatrist:"Te|L Him I cAn't c hIm rIght now."...


The w0rld?s thinnest b00k is titled by,
?What W0men Want?

It has 0nly 0ne w0rd written in it,
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?.?EVERYTHING
...


I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
...


Ocean full of syllabus

River full of questions

Bucket level we study

Mug level we answer

&

Marks comes like a drop

then why to study fool........!!


...


wen a guy tellz u that he luvz u from the bottom of his heart b careful 4 this may mean dat.......!!!!!!........ he has enuf space 4 another girl on the top of his heart!!!!!
...


Apne chare se ruswaie ka &quot;ERROR&quot; to hataho,
Ab bohat ho gaya apne dil ka &quot;PASSWORD&quot; to bataho,
Axser raat ko app mere sapne mein aatein hain,
Mere pyar ko &quot;MOUSE&quot; banake englio pe nachate hain,
Or tere pyar ka &quot;E-MAIL&quot; mere dil ko labhata hai,
Beach mein tera baap &quot;VIRUS&quot; banke aa jaata hai.
...


It's A Fact. . . .

Girl May Not Help U To Get A Lot Of Salary.


But


Salary May Help U To Get Lots Of Girl..

So Love Ur Work Not GirLs... ;->
...


ek don ka beta ORAL EXAM me fail ho gaya,

ghar aakar wo apne dad se bola-

sun baap , un logo ne 3 ghante tak apni puchhtaachh ki apun bhi terich aulaad hai , saala mooh kholaich nahi.... ...


If time doesn't wait 4 u

Don't worry!

Just remove the damn battery from ur clock & Enjoy life!...


G - Ghost
I - In
R - Real
L - Life

So Avoid Girls
&
Forward Their Numbers To Me...
Don't Worry Abt My Life. . .
I'm A Professional. . .
GHOST RIDER... ;->
...


Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

...


what is the difference btw secretary and personal secretary....

Secretary says: Good morning sir!

Personal Secretary Says: Oh MY GOD... its morning Sir.......


A student was asked 2 write a signboard 4 da traffic rules near da college campus
He wrote:
"Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students,Wait 4 d Teachers" ;->...


A woman met a man
Walking along the streets
Wearing only one shoe.
"Just Lost A Shoe?" She asked
He answered:
"Nope, Just Found One" ;)...


Patient: Doctor, You Must Help Me. I Keep Losing My Temper With People. Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem. Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard....


Buhot Ache



Wah



Kya Baat Hai



Buhot Aala



Gr8 Yaar



Zabardast



Daad Deni Paregi



Brilliant



Dil Khush Kardiya



La Jawab



Khubsoorat



Bari Himmat Hai



Kamal Hai



Amazing



Shabash



Herat Hai



Khushi Bhi



Yaqeen Nahi Aata



Ke Itna Bkwas SMS Parh Kaise Lete Ho.. :P ;->




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In a bar, a man attend da call of a ringing mobile.
Man: Hello!
Wife: Darling shall I buy 1 diamond ring?
Man: Sure honey!
Wife: Shall I use your credit card for Crystal pendant?
Man: Ok dear!
Friends: Great to see that you love her so much!
Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?!?...


If We WeRe BoRn Kn0wInG
eVeRyThInG

tHeN

...wHaT w0uLd We Do WiTh AlL
tHe TiMe 0n ThIs PlAnEt

Be Pr0uD t0 sAy

"I DON'T KNOW" =P ;-}
...


The New England Journal Of Medicine Reports That... !

" 9 Out Of 10 Doctors Agree That 1 Out Of 10 Doctors Is An Idiot..." =P ;->...


Dear lays manufacturer
U forgot to mention one more thing in the list of ur ingredients.

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Air 85% :D
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A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it....


Lecturer: "Children in the dark make mistakes..!" convert dis sentence to its opposite form...
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children..!" ..... ;->...


I am Looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me.


Give me a Loan, & then Leave me aLone...!: :-) :-P...