Collection of Funny Jokes Messages

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Funny Jokes / Short, Stupid, Love and English Jokes SMS


The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong....


Top Answers Of Teachers

If They Don't Know The Answers:

1)I Think The Question Is Wrong..

2)I Will Tell You Tomorrow..

3)Don't Ask Foolish Questions..

4)You Will Study This In The Next Class..

And The Most Important One Is:

5)Nice Question,Raise Your Hands Who Know The Answer :)...


I was worried
in a
DREAM
last nite
i saw
all the
DEVILS
of the world


have DIED

Hey!dont mind
Can u send me
only few SMS
2 make me sure

that


U R STILL ALIVE...
...


Signboard
Outside A Repair Shop ...

"We Can Repair Anything ...

(PLZ ! Knock Hard On The Door ... The Bell Doesn't Work ) ... " ;->...


Two humans ascended a certain geological protuberance to collect a hydride of oxygen whose quantity isn't specified...
One member descends dramatically suffering mechanical damage to the cranial part of his anatomical cranium!
The second member follows the first in a similar series of rapid irregular disturbing movements...

Got something?
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No!

Here In simple English...

"Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after" ...


3 friends lived in the same flat on the 110th floor. One day the lift wasn't working. So they had to climb the stairs. To pass time & not get bored, they said that, 1st person should tell a war story, 2nd a funny story & 3rd a sad story. 1st person tells a story & they climb to 50th floor. 2nd tells his funny story & they climb to 109th floor. Now the 3rd has to say a very sad story. He says, "I've left the door keys in car"...:-...


U think of me & i think of u. When v both think of each other, do u know wat it means?





It means v both..









have no other work to do!
Dono velay ;-)...


?JHOOM RE?
Ek sahab nAshay me LarkhratAY hUay fOOT paTH per JA rahay thay..!
Pol?CemAn nE Roka oR poocha:Tum Jantay hO mA?N Kon hoON?
Nashai Sahab Ne Gor Se Dekha oR kaha:NAHI?! Haan agR Tum ye Bta Do k Tumhara ghar Kahan hai?TO mAIN tumhaien tumharay ghar Tak Chor Aaon ga...


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


I Know U R Too Much Daring Person And Like To Dare To Any Game.

I Have A Special Dare 4 U.

Can You Do?

If Yes Then The Dare Is!

?Bijli K Transformer Par

Khadey Ho Kar Nahana Hai?.

...


The Thing Which Is Never
Complete,
Called...
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Syllabus!! ... =P =D...


A touching love stry

a boy n a grl lv each other vry mch..

One day wile they were talking, the boy touched d girl's hand n in retrn girl touchd boy's hand...




Wat a touching story... ;->...


Doctor: Youre in good health. Youll live to be eighty.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you!!!...


A guy's walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette.

He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."

Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything.

The guy says, "How old are you?"

Johnny says, "Ten."

The guy says, "Ten? When did you start smoking?"

Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid."

The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"

Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk....


GALILO:
Great mind

EINSTEIN:
Genious mind

NEWTON:
Extraordinary mind

BILL GATES:
Brillant mind

Me:
Master mind

U:
Oh!
Neve mind...


Nxt generation child wil sing in school
Twinkle twinkle little star,
I jus went 2 royal bar,
Whisky rates r up so high,
So i drink a beer with chicken fry....


A Thought For All Graduates...

"A Thermometer Isn't The Only Thing

That Gets A Degree Without Having

Any Brain..." |'!'|...


|~ tODAYz thOUgHT ~|
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Always dn't depend on my thoughts,
Try to think of ur own sumtimes.!
Useless fellow....


In an engineering university during a math's class:

Student:
Why do we have to learn this?

Teacher:
To save lives!!!!!

Student:
How does math save lives?

Teacher:
It keeps idiots like you out of medical college... :

...


One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Poof!" said the genie. "You are a housewife." :P...


Every Man Needs A
Beautiful Wife
Intelligent Wife
Caring Wife
Loving Wife
Smart Wife
Adjusting
&
Cooperative Wife,
But its said dat Islam allows only 4 wife ;->...


what is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey plz contact zoo for detail
...


Boss: "Beware of 50-50-90 rule!"
Employee: "What do you mean Sir?"
Boss: "Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is 90% probability that you will get it wrong!"...




Having 1 child makes you a parent but having 2 makes you a refree.

Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right and the other is always husband.

You can't buy love but you pay heavily for it.

Wife and husband always compromise, husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.

Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to
speak..! xP=P...


CAT: how old ru?

ELEPHANT: 5 years

CAT: but u look big?

ELEPHANT: I'm a complan boy

CAT: I'm 30 yrs old.

ELEPHANT: 30? U LOOK SO
SMALL

CAT: I'm a "santoor girl", keep smiling.......!!

...


Height Of Unreasonable Demand ??





2 Negroes Wearing Black Suit

Standing Infront F A White Wall

N Asking 4

a Color Phtograph..!!...


life before computer
-
-
-
Window was a square hole in a room
Application was somethong written in paper
Mouse was an animal
Keyboaed was a piano
File was an important office material
Hard drive was an uncomfortable road trip
Cut was done with knife and paste with glue.
Web was a spider's home....
But now......
...


Wife: where'll u take me on our 10th aniversary?
Hsband: We'll go 2 African jungle safari.
Wife: Nice. And on our 25th aniversary?
Husband: I'll bring u back....


A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU??? ...


The w0rld?s thinnest b00k is titled by,
?What W0men Want?

It has 0nly 0ne w0rd written in it,
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?.?EVERYTHING
...


Waiter : And how did you find your steak sir?
Man : Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was!!!...


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
...


FACEBOOK PAPER

Q1 . Define add as friend ?

Q2 . What does status means ?
...
Q3 . What do u mean by poke ?

Q4 . Give two reasons for liking the girls comments ?

Q5 . What is pic tag ?

Q6 . What is inbox msg ?

Q7 . Give details of info ?

Q8 . Draw a profile pic ?

Q9 . What is page ? And why we prmote it . Give reasons ?

Q10 . Define comments on post ?...


PsyChIatrIst's rEceptionist cOmEs & sAyZ theRe's mAn oUt WHo sAyS He cAn mAke hImSELf

"INVISIBLE"

Psychiatrist:"Te|L Him I cAn't c hIm rIght now."...


God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

...


ek don ka beta ORAL EXAM me fail ho gaya,

ghar aakar wo apne dad se bola-

sun baap , un logo ne 3 ghante tak apni puchhtaachh ki apun bhi terich aulaad hai , saala mooh kholaich nahi.... ...


Ocean full of syllabus

River full of questions

Bucket level we study

Mug level we answer

&

Marks comes like a drop

then why to study fool........!!


...


If time doesn't wait 4 u

Don't worry!

Just remove the damn battery from ur clock & Enjoy life!...


It's A Fact. . . .

Girl May Not Help U To Get A Lot Of Salary.


But


Salary May Help U To Get Lots Of Girl..

So Love Ur Work Not GirLs... ;->
...


Apne chare se ruswaie ka "ERROR" to hataho,
Ab bohat ho gaya apne dil ka "PASSWORD" to bataho,
Axser raat ko app mere sapne mein aatein hain,
Mere pyar ko "MOUSE" banake englio pe nachate hain,
Or tere pyar ka "E-MAIL" mere dil ko labhata hai,
Beach mein tera baap "VIRUS" banke aa jaata hai.
...


A student was asked 2 write a signboard 4 da traffic rules near da college campus
He wrote:
"Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students,Wait 4 d Teachers" ;->...


G - Ghost
I - In
R - Real
L - Life

So Avoid Girls
&
Forward Their Numbers To Me...
Don't Worry Abt My Life. . .
I'm A Professional. . .
GHOST RIDER... ;->
...


Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

...


A woman met a man
Walking along the streets
Wearing only one shoe.
"Just Lost A Shoe?" She asked
He answered:
"Nope, Just Found One" ;)...


In a bar, a man attend da call of a ringing mobile.
Man: Hello!
Wife: Darling shall I buy 1 diamond ring?
Man: Sure honey!
Wife: Shall I use your credit card for Crystal pendant?
Man: Ok dear!
Friends: Great to see that you love her so much!
Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?!?...


wen a guy tellz u that he luvz u from the bottom of his heart b careful 4 this may mean dat.......!!!!!!........ he has enuf space 4 another girl on the top of his heart!!!!!
...


If We WeRe BoRn Kn0wInG
eVeRyThInG

tHeN

...wHaT w0uLd We Do WiTh AlL
tHe TiMe 0n ThIs PlAnEt

Be Pr0uD t0 sAy

"I DON'T KNOW" =P ;-}
...


Dear lays manufacturer
U forgot to mention one more thing in the list of ur ingredients.

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Air 85% :D
...


what is the difference btw secretary and personal secretary....

Secretary says: Good morning sir!

Personal Secretary Says: Oh MY GOD... its morning Sir.......


The New England Journal Of Medicine Reports That... !

" 9 Out Of 10 Doctors Agree That 1 Out Of 10 Doctors Is An Idiot..." =P ;->...


Lecturer: "Children in the dark make mistakes..!" convert dis sentence to its opposite form...
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children..!" ..... ;->...


Patient: Doctor, You Must Help Me. I Keep Losing My Temper With People. Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem. Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard....


Buhot Ache



Wah



Kya Baat Hai



Buhot Aala



Gr8 Yaar



Zabardast



Daad Deni Paregi



Brilliant



Dil Khush Kardiya



La Jawab



Khubsoorat



Bari Himmat Hai



Kamal Hai



Amazing



Shabash



Herat Hai



Khushi Bhi



Yaqeen Nahi Aata



Ke Itna Bkwas SMS Parh Kaise Lete Ho.. :P ;->




...


I am Looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me.


Give me a Loan, & then Leave me aLone...!: :-) :-P...


Universal TRUTH we learnt
"sun rises in the east"
Fact:-
"sun neither rises nor sets, only earth rotates"
Moral
"Education spoils our commonsense"...


I Know A Lot About Cars ...

I Can Look At A Car's Headlights And Tell You Exactly









Which Way It's Coming... ;->...


A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it....


A Beggar Found Rs. 100/-
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..
...
He Went To A 5 Star Hotel For Dinner...
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..
...
Bill Rs. 3000/-
.
..
...
He was unable to pay!!!
.
Manager Handed Him To Police!!!
.
He Gave Rs. 100/- To Policeman & Free!!!
.
Its Called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT Without MBA..!!!...


FACT of GOOGLE: . .
50% of the people use it well as a search engine..!!
..
..
..
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..
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The other 50% of the people use it to check if their internet is connected or not!! ;) ...


Ppl Say
A Kiss Is On HEAD

A Sweet Kiss On CHEEKS

A Passionate Kiss On LIPS

A Romantic Kiss On NECK

But

Seriously HOTEST Kiss Is On




Iron
Try It ;->...


LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr... ...


True Love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs200 BUY A PILLOW

...


I want to share everything with u.
Your sadness ,your happy momments,
Lets start with your bank account!
...


Announcement in University:

"The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them"

Anothr anouncement after 20 minutes:

"The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes"...


If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food

...


EXAMS are like GIRLFRIENDS:

1. Too many questions.

2. Difficult to understand.

3. Too much explaination is needed.

4. Result is always Fail
...


KARACHI mE banks me barhti hui robbries pr control k Liay MAIN bank me aLARM System laga dia,jiska button cashier k paon k kareb tha,us k press krnay sE qareebi police station ka alarm baj sakta tha,
Alarm k lagay abhi 3 din huay thay, k do dako T.T Liay bank mE Aagaye,
Cashier se cash cheennay k doran cashier ne alarm ka butt?n press kr dia,chand sekond k baad kareeb paray phone ki ring hui,dako ne receive kia
Dosri taraf sE awaz i.
?OYE,main thanay se bol raha hoon,zara dekh bhaal k betha kro tumhaien pata hi nahi tumhara paon button per hai,paon hatao udher se idiot,idher thanay me Alarm Baj raha hai....


A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea...He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop...It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE!'...


MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

...


HeIgHT Of ovEr coNfiDeNce,
A
G I R L
S A Y z
W i d
A l o t
O F
M a k E U p !
I
L O v E
M y
S k I n
D u R i n G
R A i N. . . . . .)=P...


Winter Comes .........Again & Again,
Summer Comes .......Again & Again,
But The Person Like You.............. Will Not Come Again,

Because GOD Never Makes The Same Mistake Again & Again
...


Bush asks God:When will Iraq be mine?
God:Not in ur life time.bush cries.
Mushraf asks God:When will Kashmir be in Pakistan?
God:Not in ur life time.mushraf cries.
And i asked God:When will this reader get brain?
This time God says:Never in ur life time....


Some Funny
Signboards ...

@ Pizza Shop
"7 Dayz Widout Pizza
Makes 1 Weak"

In No-smoking Area
"If V c Smoke, V'll
Azume U r On Fire
n Take Apropaite
Action"

@ Car Dealership
"D Best Way 2 Get Back
On Ur Feet.
Miss A Car Payment"

@ Maternity Room Door
"Push . Push . Push" ... ;->

Sameer +92 300 2711 588
~ Tum Bin ~

...


Teacher Mehnat Karo Ga
Tou Kuch Bano Ga .

Pathan Student Teacher Hamra
Gadha Tou Itni Mehnat Karta Hai

Magr Wo Kuch Nahe Bana ...;->




...


Definition Of Laziness :-


-:- iT'z A tElEnT oF tAlKiNg ReSt BeFoRe YoU gEt TiRed -:-...


A young Boss said


"the great attraction in our job is that every day is a pay day "...


1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?

2nd Man: Octemb ruary..

1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month

2nd Man: Exactly.. =P =D...


How Much SECRETS are Hidden On A Cell
Phone is Directly Proportional To
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How Quickly U Snatch it Back When
Someone Takes it..=P =D...


Definition of
"A great loser":


A person who dials a number
(written with lipstick on a phone booth)
and...

.

.

.



His wife picks up the phone... ;-)...


I Don't Get The Saying
"If You Snooze, You Lose."

I Hit The Snooze Button
8 Times This Morning,
...And
I Woke Up Feeling Like A
Champion. . . =P =D
...


1 fine morning in the middle of the night,
2 dead boys woke up to fight,

Back to back they faced each other,
Took out their swords & shot each other,

One deaf policeman heard the noise &
Killed the 2 dead boys

Beleive this lie, it's really true,
Ask the blind beggar, he saw it too....


JAn|x Can i Have a PicTure of Urs?










.
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AcTuaLLy, The Thing is ThaT i have sTarTed a new hobby of coLLecTing phoTographs of "NaTuraL DisasTerS" ;->...


A Gorgeous Girl Walks up 2 Professor?s Cabin & Says: I'll Do Anything 2 Pass D Exam.
Prof: Anything?
Girl: Ya
Prof?
Girl: Ya!!
Prof: Then Go & Study...! ...
...


She BlinDeD mE wiTh hEr LigHT, it'S SucH A beaUtiFuL SigHt... The WaY She MoVes Is LiKe An AngEl... ShE gOt Me WaLkiNg On Air ...


Lady: Is this my train..?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company..
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to KArAchi..!
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy... ;->

:'~': K33P SMiLiNG :'~':...


R u intelegent..
Ans thez
1-China kis mulk main hai?
2-14Aug kis date ko ati hai.?
3-Green rung kis colour ka hota hai..?
4-timatar ko urdu main kya boltay hn...


good lucks catch the eyes and a good personality catches the heart and you are
blessed with both.

FLATTERED? dont b, it was sent to me, just wanted u 2 read it.
...


When sum1 Takes ur cell for Hours & you are in no Hurry to Get it Back
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Then
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.
You Realize How Hopeless Single You are . . . =P ;->...


Doctor to Patient: The check which you gave me has been returned

Patient to Doctor: The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned!...


Never trust a m@n who says he is the boss at home.He probably lies abt other things too...


~*~ CLASSIC ~*~

Boy: Is Your Body From
McDonald . . . ?

...Girl: Why, Because
You're Loving It . . . ? ;)

Boy: No, Because
It's Greasy N Fat . . . =P =D
...



Modern Definition 0f
" Boy Friend "

A Person Who Has To Like
All The Status And Photos
...0f His Girl Friend
No Matter
How Bad They Are . . . =P =D
...


An applicant to his new Boss.
"Sir, I always give 100% at work!"
Boss: "Oh, and how do you manage it ?"
Applicant replies: "Sir, 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday!"...


Why girls live longer than boys???? ..
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..
Scientific studies have proved that ..
..
..
"SHOPPING"
never causes HEART ATTACKS, but, .
..
"PAYING the "BILLS" does...


HEART
T0UCH!NG
ST0RY

A b0y l0ved a girl but never pr0p0sed her. 0ne day he
decided t0 tell her at 1:00 am at night.

He type:
"i L0VE y0u"

And sent !t, after a few sec0nds he g0t a msg but he dec!ded t0 see it the next day f0r surprise and slept.

Next day, he read the msg and becme s0 sh0kd bcoz
!t was wr!tten:

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Dear cust0mer, msg sndng failed due t0
insuficient balnce. Please recharge ur acc0unt :-D :-D

<('.')
/"/> tXt
_/"_K죣


A Man Notice That His Credit Card Had Been Stolen But He Didn't Report It..!







Why..??








The Thief Was Spending Less Than His Wife.... ;->...


Fact of our life:
Whenever we find the key 2 success,
Some idiots change the locks..
So,4get the key.

Learn to BREAK da doors!
Keep rocking!! ;^>...


After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, You know, I was a fool when I married you.She replied, Yes dear, I know but I was in love and didnt notice.
...

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